My Guardian Angel
by XxAlicexX
Summary: Ryan is on the path of self destruction. Can Troy help him see that life is worth a lot more than Ryan first thought. I know its been done before, alot! But I thought i'd have a go any way. Previous title: Flawed
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is my first HSM fanfic so be nice to me. Sorry it's quite short but hopefully I can make it longer in later chapters. Hope you enjoy it. R&R please. Thanks**

**Alice**

**xoxoxoxo**

Flawed

Chapter 1

I was standing, just standing. Watching the people go about their lives from my bedroom window. I wondered if they ever look up at the houses they pass everyday, and wonder about the people who live there. I only ask this because I wonder about them, I see them go about their seemingly perfect lives and realise that no one is perfect. Act perfect? Yes. Look perfect? Yes. Be perfect? Theres no such thing.

Take my sister, Sharpay, for example. At school she is called _"the ice queen"_ it takes some doing to build up a reputation like that. She is the super bitch and I am her minion, seemingly quiet and timid, always in her shadow. She seems flawless, no hair out of place, no blemish uncovered.

But at home are roles are reversed. She is no longer a bitch or _"the ice queen"_ but a frighten child, becoming reserved and secretive, she has to be, _he_ feeds off of any kind of emotion. And as soon as we step foot on the front porch, the act she puts on at school evaporates and her face becomes an ashen gray. Who needs make-up when you live in a house like ours?

When we step into the house our physicality changes, our bodies immediately tensing, I usually tell Sharpay to go to her room and close the door, receiving a nod it reply. We have an understanding when it comes to things like this, I could call it a "twin thing" but personally I think it comes from living with _him _.

I have to be hard, I have to be strong, the guard, the shell I put up around myself is there for one reason and one reason only. To protect myself and my sister from the drunken monster we have to call a father. I find that there is only one remedy that can break down my hard exterior, pain. I need to know what its like to feel, and pain is at no shortage in this household. But I can feel that I am addicted, I am getting to the point that I crave pain. I have to know there is still something in this shambles of a life that I can control.

And that's why I do it. That's why i'm standing were I am, with a blade poised to my wrist. And I take one more glance at the people walking below me and I pull the blade across the pale skin of my wrist already littered with angry red lines and a hiss of relief escapes my lips. And I watch as the red liquid seep down my arm and a small smile plays on my lips, but only for a moment and then it is gone.

I am Ryan Evans, I _ACT_ strong, but I am weak.

I am Ryan Evens, I _ACT _clever, but I am stupid.

I am Ryan Evans, I _ACT_ pretty, but I am hideous.

I am Ryan Evans, I _ACT_ perfect, but I am flawed.

And I am reminded of this everyday.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N well here is the next installment of my fic. Hope you all enjoy it. Cause I have no idea where this story is headed. But hopefully ideas will pop into my head, but any idea are welcome. **

Flawed

Chapter 2 

School. School is a place where I am considered worthless. Well no new feeling there then. I try to be inconspicuous but thats considerably hard when you have a sister like Sharpay. She is the only person in this world that deserves to be loved, but at school love is fictional, although lust, lust is very different to love, it's harder, harsher but it still plays an important part in high school life. So maybe my sister isn't loved but all she wants is to be noticed. Were as I am quite content to be her shadow, not get to close to anyone, so not to let anyone know the slightest bit of information about me or my family.

So I am in the car with my sister a fake smile plastered on my face, my clothes all nicely ironed, my blonde hair brushed. And when we arrive at East High and our act begins. Shoulders back, head up and walk like no one is in front of you. People are muttering, sniggering as we pass. It used to effect me, people laughing, calling me things like "fag" , "queer", "puff" but I learned to ignore it. I still use it sometimes as an excuse to inflict pain on myself. Sharpay is always telling me to just ignore them, that i'm better than them. But it got to me, I even tried dating a girl for awhile, which just screwed my head up even more, and lets face it, my head's pretty screwed up anyway.

I was standing by my locker waiting for Sharpay to stop flirting with a basketball jock so we could go to home room when I saw him lean into her and whisper " Your brother's creeping me out, he's just standing there and smiling." I saw Sharpay take a deep breath, she hated it when people said any thing bad about me, but putting on a sickly sweet smile she kissed the boy on the cheek and waved good bye. I followed like a puppy. I would be nothing without Sharpay, I would be lost, doomed to walk the earth lonely and hated. I wasn't even shore if anyone I knew hated me, all I knew, was that I hated myself and I knew my father hated me, and for hating me I hated him.

I winced slightly when my sister took my arm, she gave me a curious look and I just smiled at her as we made are way through the school corridors, crowded with students. I know she knows that I self harm and for that i'm sorry, she deserves a brother who doesn't need to feel pain to survive a day, she needs a brother whose strong and muscular, not a twig like me. Someone whose popular and doesn't live in her shadow. She needs, no she deserves a brother more like... Troy Bolton

Oh god, Troy Bolton. The hero of East High. I sometimes dream about him. Dreams that no one should know about. Dreams that are so twisted I have to hurt myself afterwards so the images will disappear, but they always seem to sneak back into my brain and the cycle continues. I know i'm gay, but I still have to live in denial trying to rid myself of any images related to a specific part of the male anatomy. I haven't even come out yet and everybody seems to know. I guess it's in the way I dress, the way I act. If it's that obvious maybe everybody already knows about the drunken wreck we go home to every night and just choose not to help.

"Ryan? Ryan?" I heard my voice being called but it seemed so distant. And then I realised. Home room. When did we get here? And when did I sit down? I was considerably puzzled, well I sat up and looked straight at the culprit who pulled me from my thoughts. Ms. Darbus.

"How nice of you to join us today" she said far to sarcastically causing the whole class to giggle. She shot them a death look and returned her attention to me. "Mr Evans, I expect your undivided attention and I expect a lot more from you, but considering you are trying out for our next musical I think I could let you off just this once." she smiled down at me.

"Thank you, Ms. Darbus" I replied in what sounded like the most fake voice, but sounded perfectly normal to the class, typical Ryan behavior. If only they knew.

After class I went to the bathroom telling Sharpay to go on ahead, she was not happy about leaving me on my own but she is not going to cause a scene in the middle of school with her "fag" of a brother, even if is Sharpay. So i headed to the bathroom and to no ones surprise i was stopped.

"Were do you think your going?"asked the muscular boy in front of me, I didn't know him, there are a lot of jocks in our school and I only know about four of them by name.

"To the bathroom, were do you think." I snapped

"Answering back were you? Not such a clever move, pretty boy." and his fist collided with my face and I fell flat on my back.

"Wont be so pretty now, will you?" and he continued to assault my body with his foot, I was now huddled in the foetal position.

"Dude he's not worth it, he's just a worthless queer, don't waste your energy." the guy standing behind the guy beating the shit out of me piped in as he saw the first signs of blood. And with that the beating subsided and they left.

Great, so now I have to deal with Sharpay freaking out because this is what happens when she leaves me on her own. I didn't even realise that I was still huddled on the floor until someone leaned down to help me up. And who would have thought it? Troy Bolton has a heart. He's not just another jock, he's actually daring to touch the "fag."

"Are you ok? Look your bleeding" Troy pointed to my wrists. Shit, the scars must have reopened.

" No, No it's fine honestly, i've had worse." I smiled and tried to walk away.

"But that bruise on your face looks pretty nasty maybe you should have that checked out."

"I said. I'm fine." I snapped, but seeing the look on Troy's face I softened my voice. "Thank you" and I walked away feeling very self conscious that Troy was watching me the whole way. And now I had to go and find Sharpay, with my bloodied wrists and a bruised face. Just Great.

"Oh my, Ryan!!" My sister almost screamed as I walked into the lesson, I smiled at her, trying not to cry and ignoring the looks of disgust I was getting from the other pupils, I must have looked a state.

And there you have a typical day at school for Ryan Evans, and in the car on the home I could no longer be strong, the tears that seemed to be bubbling up all day seemed to spill over and all I could say as me sister consoled me and rubbed my back like a mother cradling a crying toddler was "I'm sorry, i'm so, so sorry."

**Still slightly short but the chapters are getting longer... I so totally over used the word hated in one of the paragraphs, that word has actually lost all meaning for me, I had to check it was even a word. lol **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N An absolutely HUGE thank you to everyone who reviewed – always puts a smile on my face. Even though I do send out individual messages to all my reviewers cause I think it's the politest thing to do. Lol. So here we have the 3rd chapter. Enjoy!! **

**WARNING: There is violence in this bit, quite a lot actually :-s**

* * *

Flawed

Chapter 3

When we got home no one was in. No surprise in store for us just yet. H_e_ was probably at some pub or bar somewhere drinking away what money we had left. Thats another act that Sharpay and I have to play up to at school. The bossy, snobby rich kid act. We are far from rich, we used to be, but after our mother left our father sunk into his own world of self pity, turning to drink to solve all of his problems. So we no longer live in a mansion in a nice neighborhood were every house has a white picket fence and every inhabitant wears a smile on their face. But in a dingy three bedroom house, with iron railings on the outside and a boarded up window, form were my _dear daddy_ tried to throw a beer bottle at my head but missed and hit the window. Being drunk doesn't improve your aim much.

I guess in someways my father and I are similar, alcoholism is his outlet, self harm is mine. I can't help it any more. I need that outlet. When I first started to cut, I thought I'd only need to do it once, but it only masked my pain and the satisfaction of the release only lasted minutes and I needed to do it again, and again, and again. The pain I course myself is somehow different from the pain I endure from my father, I said before I crave pain, but I crave the ability to be able to control the pain that I force upon myself. I may have slipped into the same self pity spiral that my father has but I promised myself that I would never raise my hand to any one, and especially not Sharpay. I don't think I could forgive myself if anything happened to her.

So, no one was in our house except us and Sharpay immediately took it upon herself to "clean me up" and so I followed her to the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bath as she tended to my battered figure. She ran her figures over the bruise on my face that seemed to engulf my eye, making it increasingly difficult to see. I winced as she rubbed a cream into it to decrease the swelling. She shot me an apologetic look and I gave her a very weak smile in return.

"Ry, look what they've done to your beautiful face." she whispered as a coked sob escaped and she got up to hug me, but I immediately flinched away causing her to look so hurt that it almost broke my heart but then I saw the hurt in her eyes turn to hate and she become more angry than upset.

" You can't even hug your own sister your so scared of being hurt. Ryan it's wrong, it was never meant to be like this. "

"I'm sorry, it's just a reaction."

"Ry stop apologising, none of this is your fault" I nodded silently and started to unbutton my shirt so I could examine the bruise that I knew covered the whole left side of my chest and _stomach_. It was pretty impressive, it looked like a child had scribbled with purple, blue and green markers across my body. And finally I looked at my wrists, dried blood caked along my arm. I really was a sight for sore eyes.

"Ryan?"

"Umm..." I looked up from examining the cuts along my wrist.

" I think you should just go to bed, your in no state to do anything tonight, let alone see him."

"Shar, I can handle it. I have to handle it." And then came the noise that both my sister and I loathed above anything else. The front door being opening, stumbling, door being slammed, more stumbling, then...

"KIDS??? YOU HOME??" The slurred speech of that man turned my blood cold. Taking Sharpay by the hand I led her down the stairs and into the hall. Where a tall man with cruel eyes and graying hair stood. The stench of wisky from his breath almost unbearable.

"Hows my princess?" he asked taking a step towards Sharpay and stroking her cheek, my body immediately tightened and my grip on her hand became almost bone crushing. And then he turned his attention to me, his cold eyes boring into my skin.

My shield had already gone up, I was no longer the quiet and kind boy people saw at school, just a hard exterior that felt nothing.

"And hows my little queen?" he spat, the stench of alcohol simply overpowering. God, I may as well give up and admit to the world that I am gay, even my father noticed and he's a drunken low life.

Ignoring the comment he had just made, I carried on as normal "I'm making dinner." I said in a voice so void of any emotion it could have come from a robot.

"What happened to your face boy? People realise what a worthless shit you are?" I continue to shut out his voice, shoving something from the freezer into the microwave.

"Get me a beer boy!" I don't think he even remembers giving me a name, I brought out a beer and set it on the table.

"What a nice housewife you'll make someone one day" he muttered laughing to himself at my expense.

And I put the food on the table, a ready meal from the local super market. It looked so disgusting I don't want to touch it. But I knew he'd think that I was being ungrateful if I didn't eat, so both me and Sharpay started to pick at the gloop lain before us.

"What do you call this boy??" My father says pointing at his food.

And I state the obvious "food" and I can see that this is pushing him over the edge and I couldn't care less, I hate the man sitting opposite me, I hate the man rising from his seat, I hate the man hovering over me, making me feel two feet tall, I hate the man grabbing my arm. And I know that now he has hold of me he wont let it go until I cry out in pain to show I have paid for what I've said.

"Sharpay go upstairs." I say pleading, I know she can hear it in my voice, see it in my eyes but she stays as still as a statue and stares at me.

"Yes, Sharpay, go to your room. You shouldn't have to see how week your brother is." and for the first time in my life I actually try to fight back and I lash out with my leg. But he punches me in the stomach, he never hits me across the face, it's to obvious, it would leave a mark for all to see.

"Didn't know you had it in you boy."

"Please Sharpay, just leave, you shouldn't have to see this." I'm almost crying, my shield isn't holding tonight. I hear footsteps on the stairs and I sigh in relief knowing that she is gone, that she doesn't have to see first hand what he does to me. But now I must pay for what I said.

A hand comes towards me and drags me up by my hair, I wasn't going to cry out, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. He's holding my hands above my head against a wall with such force that he's crushing the bone of me skinny fingers but I will not show weakness, I will not cry out, I will hold his gaze until he lets me go.

"Think you can get smart with me? This is only the start, I hope you realise that." And he lets my hands free. I collapse onto the floor only for him to regain his grip on my hair and drag me to the kitchen.

"Can't be bothered to cook me a proper meal. Well I'm going to teach you know how to use the stove today, maybe then you'll learn how to cook properly after this lesson." He laughs, and a flash of fear flickers at the back of my mind. He's never done this before, he's only ever hit me, and yet this is so different.

He turns on the gas and lights a match and then a blue flame is dancing in front of my eyes. And now I'm terrified, and I don't care that I show it any more letting out a quiet whimper. My father just smiles to himself letting go of my hair and taking hold of my arm. Running the sleeve of my shirt up he lowers the open skin down onto the flame.

I'm screaming, screaming in pain, my skin is burning, it's on fire, flaming, scorching, screaming, screaming. My father just holds my arm and watches as I writhe in agony. And he lets go and I cradle my arm. Cowering away from the monster I see before me. He kicks me and tells me I'm weak, he kicks me again telling me I am worthless and I don't deserve to be called his son. And with one last kick he walks out of the house muttering "who wants a fag for a son" over and over again

I'm sitting in the kitchen still cradling my arm when Sharpay appears, she's been crying.

"I heard you screaming" I look down at my arm, and then at her and once again I let a tear roll down my cheek and once again my sister is the one comforting me like a little child.

But this is how we live and no one can change that.

* * *

**I have a plea for someone to check the story after I've written it, for grammar and spelling mistakes etc. cause they really annoy me, when I read it back after I've posted it and noticed that some of the I's aren't capitalised and I should have put a . instead of a , etc.**

**So yeah, if any one wants to help and be my spell checker, please don't hesitate to ask :)**

**Thanks  
Alice  
xoxoxox **


	4. Chapter 4

Flawed 

**A/N Just a short note to say thanks gain to everyone who reviewed, So thanks. :-) **

**14 reviews for 3 chapters I'm actually so amazed at the response coz I write some ER fics under a different pen name and I've never got the response that I got from this fic so thanks sooo much to everyone. **

**And I found my Beta reader... Mondler4EvEr, thank you so much, really helps. :-)**

**Oh and different approach to this chapter coz you get other peoples POV as well as Ryan's. So tell me if it works... or not.**

**I had serious problems with the layout of this chapter because when I uploaded the document it came out with no lines just one huge paragraph!!! So I really hope it's ok... :-) **

Chapter 4 

_**Troy's POV**_

I am the luckiest guy on this earth. I have good friends, a beautiful girlfriend and a hobby that I love. And yet I can't help but feel sad, this overwhelming feeling of pity keeps taking me over ever since I  
helped that Evans kid yesterday. I don't even know him and yet I feel that I should, I walk past him everyday and watch him get harassed but I take Gabi by the hand and walk away.

There was something in his eyes that was so disturbing yesterday, it was there only for a second and then it was gone, it wasn't fear, or even dread it was confusion. Confusion on why anyone would want to help him? Confusion why I was helping him? I just don't know but it was there all  
the same.

And now I can't seem to get him out of my head, I've only talked to the guy once in my life and now his bruised face is embedded in my mind. Maybe I'm worried? Sometimes I think I have to much of a heart.

Gabi is standing at my locker, waiting for me. And walking over, I take her by the hand and lead her into the class room. Ryan Evans is none of my business.

**_Sharpay POV_**

I'm worried to leave Ryan on his own. He's too hurt to go into school; people will start to talk, well more than they already do. I look at the sleeping boy beside me, he's fading away. I can't force him to eat, all I can do is ask and wait patiently until he acts upon my request. I stroke his bruised cheek and he starts to stir, he looks up at me with a watery smile. I had to practically carry him to his room yesterday. He's just so frail. It's hard for me to accept that I'm watching my brother as he hits the self destruct button over and over again.

"Ryan I've got to go to school, promise me you wont do anything...stupid." I pause for a moment and look at my brother as he slowly nods. I know about his, habit. And I've pleaded with him to stop, his body is already taking such abuse from our father he doesn't need to do it to himself as well. I just don't know how to help him stop, I can't tell anyone because they will just tell our father, or worse, find out about our father, call social services and split me and Ryan up. I don't think I could live with out Ryan, we complete each other, sure we were the same egg once but this is different. I stay strong for him and he stays strong for me.

I get up to head to school but before I leave the room Ryan calls out my name, I turn to him.

"Thank you." He whispers in an almost inaudible voice.

"What are sisters for?" I say with a smile

"And Sharpay, I'm sorry you have to see me like this." I let out a sigh,I wish he would stop apologizing. I just want to scream "It's not your fault," so many times that it might actually get through to him. But  
instead I go over to him and give him a very light hug, barley even touching him; it scares me to see him in so much pain.

_**Ryan POV**_

I have to lie perfectly still, because if I even move a muscle I feel pain course through my body. I am in pure agony. And now Sharpay is gone I'm totally alone, I take it that dad isn't in and won't be back for  
awhile, and something deep inside me tells me to get used to this feeling because this is how it will be for eternity. I want to cry but there is nothing left to cry.

I reach across to the table by my bed and slowly, very slowly reach for any sharp object I can find. I grab what I think is a razor blade and collapse onto the bed again waiting for the throbbing of my head to cease, that slight bit of movement really tired me out.

I know I promised Sharpay I wouldn't do it but I can't help it, this torture is too much to bare, just let me have this outlet, just this once.

**_Sharpay POV_**

Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, all I can think about, worry about is Ryan. What if he has done something stupid? What if he can't get out of bed to get something he really needs? What if...? I have to stop this, I have to  
calm down. Just breathe, in and out, in and out.

I just have to keep telling myself that, I am Sharpay Evans - I am strong. I am Sharpay Evans - I am beautiful, I am Sharpay Evans – "Ice Queen" and I smile at the realization that everyone around me believes it, I must be a very convincing actress.

"Hey Sharpay." I hear Zeke call down the corridor, I make a noncommittal noise at the back of my throat and walk away from him. I then heard Chad's voice "ooh, icy!" Knowing full well he's making some sort of shivering motion.

"Wonder where the queer is today" I stop dead in the middle of the hall and I feel like walking back over to him and slapping him right there and then. But I pull myself together, knowing that would just make Ryan's situation a lot worse than it already is

"Dude, don't call him that, he was in pretty bad shape yesterday, got beaten up by Roger Drent"  
I hear Troy say, Troy? Standing up for Ryan? Hang on how did Troy even know about Ryan getting beaten up?

"Are you actually telling me you are standing up for that puff? I bet Roger enjoyed himself. Bet he goes out and tells everyone he meets that he goes gay bashing." And all of the Jocks standing round Chad laugh. That's it I've had enough of Chad bloody Danforth, I strut over to him  
and everyone goes quiet , I don't even talk, I just raise my hand and slap him across his face, he's to shocked to say anything and I walk off. Head held high in the air as he raises his hand to his cheek, I guess it must be smarting now.

_**Troy POV**_

"Sharpay? Wait up!" I call after her. 

She flicks her hair back and looks straight at me "Hey Troy" she says with a smile, it still amazes my the way that girl can act like nothing just happened.

"Yeah, hey" I say quickly, "erm... I was just wondering..." I put my hand on my neck so that my elbow is blocking my face and look down at the floor. "I was just wondering how Ryan was?"

She looks so confused, and I would be too if a guy who has been ignoring, even teasing your brother for years, suddenly takes an interest in his life.

"He's fine thanks Troy, just got a slight cough." I can tell she's lying through her teeth.

"Yeah, I was just thinking maybe it was something to do with getting beaten up yesterday?" I question  
her.

"No, Ryan is fine." She says slightly more forcefully.

"Well I was thinking maybe I could bring some of the English homework over to yours later?" That's when I see the fear in Sharpay's eyes as I say this, she must have realized I noticed because she smiled and said "No, no, don't worry Troy wouldn't want to trouble you, just give the work to me and I'll make sure Ryan gets it." I say okay and walk off, but now I'm intrigued I want to get to the bottom of the mystery I call the Evans twins.

I know it's none of my business but I just want to find out what the twins are hiding. So I go to the school office and ask for their address telling the secretary that I need it to take work round to Ryan, as he's my science partner and I don't want his grades to suffer because of the fact that he's ill. I'm half telling the truth and that means that I'm technically not lying.

_**Ryan POV **_

My legs are now covered in angry lines, clotted blood cakes my thighs but I just don't have the energy to get myself clean, but I know I have to before Sharpay gets home. I clamber out of my bed and make my way into the hall and through the door at the opposite end. Reluctantly lowering myself into the bath, if I took a shower I am sure to collapse. I don't think my legs can hold out that long, I turn on the  
water and try to relax.

I close my eyes, as the water gushes over my body, but I can't seem to get his face out of my head, he's leering at me, taunting me, telling me I'm useless. He's not even here and he can still get to me. I run my hand over the scars on my legs and arms. This just isn't right.

I slowly get out of the bath, but before I have a chance to pull on some tracksuit bottoms and a long sleeved T- shirt, I catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror, I really am hideous the bruising on my body now turning slightly green but the burn on my arm is still inflamed and red and I know after a week or so it will start to fill with fluid and it will defiantly leave a scar. I sigh and stumble back to my room, where I lay down on my bed too scared to close my eyes.

_**Troy POV**_

I pull up to a house that surly can't be the Evans'. First off it's probably the ugliest house I have ever seen; it looks more of a squat than a house. And second off it's in the roughest part of town and by  
the looks of Sharpay and Ryan they haven't ever set foot in a place like this, let alone live here. But sure enough Sharpay's car is parked outside and so I figure I should just go and knock on the door.

Chad is sitting in the car waiting for me to just drop off the homework and go, he doesn't even realize whose house this is at first, until Sharpay answers the door, and I can tell he's interested now, because he leans over the drivers seat to open the window to make sure he can hear  
every word we say.

"I thought I told you not to bother coming Troy." She looks down the street and then back at me, "how did you even get this address?" She asks, eying me suspiciously.

There is no point lying, and so I tell her that I asked the school secretary. And that she was more than happy to give it to me considering that fact that it was a work related visit. She nods her head and asks  
me if I would like to come inside.

I walk into the house and take a look around, the walls are an off white color and the carpets gray with dirt, I never would have guessed that Ryan and Sharpay lived here. Sharpay must have seen the look on my face because she lets out a little laugh and looking at me she asks  
"surprised?"

"Yeah, a little." I say and smile at her and she smiles back.

"Follow me, I'll take you to Ryan's room, he'll probably still be in bed." I follow her up a flight of stairs and into a small corridor with 4 doors leading to what I guess to be bedrooms and a bathroom.

Sharpay knocks on one of the doors, there's no answer so opening the door a crack she peers her head round the door but something must be wrong because she almost runs into the room leaving me standing in the open door way. And when I look into the room I see her leaning over her  
brother, he looks like he's having a seizure, he's trashing around in his bed and kicking and hitting out with his legs and arms wildly as Sharpay tries to calm him down. His shirt rises up slightly as he tries  
to hit something that plagues his dreams, and I see the purple bruising on his stomach, he no longer had fair skin but purple, blue and green, and I can't help but think that Roger Drent must have one hell of a kick to cause so much damage.

"Ryan, Ryan, it's me, wake up, it's only a dream, wake up." I hear Sharpay soothing her brother and she reaches out to touch his cheek and suddenly he sits bolt upright, sweat pouring down his body causing his T-shirt to stick to him. He takes in rasping breaths as he hugs his sister tightly and suddenly his eyes are locked on mine.

_**Ryan POV**_

What the fuck is he doing here? And why was he watching me from my doorway? Especially because I was asleep!

I stare at him and him back at me and I let go of Sharpay and wipe some sweat off of my forehead with my good arm and then look back at my sister whose now perched on the end of my bed.

"Troy just brought your English work round." She says with a smile and I nod.

"Thanks." I mumble.

"Well I better get going; I'll just leave the work here." He places the work on the floor near the door, not daring to step foot any further into the room. Troy is just about to leave the room when I hear  
something that makes my heart stop. A key turning in the lock and the front door opening.

Oh God he's back, Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!


	5. Chapter 5

Flawed 

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed you all know that I love it coz I try to tell u personally **

**:-)**

**I forgot to do this at the start of the fic so I'll just do it now:**

**(Belated) Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with High School Musical except a tiny little badge that says HSM on it that I got free at the Disney Store in Covent Garden. **

**Warning: Lots and lots of swearing later on in this chapter, trust me when I say lots!!! **

**On with the story...**

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Chapter 5 

_**Ryan POV**_

"Why is there a truck parked outside?" My Father called, his voice was unusually cheery. I knew he knew that someone was here, he hasn't called me 'boy' yet and that's always an ominous sign that I've got to look out, and keep a low profile later after our guest has gone.

"We have a visitor." Sharpay hollered down the stairs.

"Someone for Ryan." She adds and I glare at her.

"He was just about to leave." I call, looking at Troy who is still lingering awkwardly in the doorway. But on second thoughts, maybe Troy should stay. It will postpone what ever dad has installed for me until later.

"I was actually wondering if Troy could stay for dinner?" Sharpay says, glancing at me, seeming to know exactly what I was thinking, and then back at Troy.

"No, no. I wouldn't want to impose. I should probably be heading off now anyway." Troy says.

I nod my head, "I'll show you out." And mustering all my energy I gently lift my legs to the side of the bed and stand up shakily, receiving a concerned look from my sister who practically runs to my aid as I start to falter. She wraps her arm around my waist and takes my hand and places it around her shoulder, so that she is taking most of my weight. God, I'm pathetic, and I can see the look of pity on Troy's face.

And now I'm walking down the stairs, very slowly, and very carefully with my sisters arms wrapped around me, trying to keep me, somewhat upright. And as I take each step, even more pain is sent shooting through my aching muscles.

And then to my surprise I feel another hand around my waist, and I look up and see Troy helping me down the stairs.

_**Troy POV**_

I couldn't just stand there and watch Sharpay struggle to take her brother's weight all the way down a flight of stairs. So I was just helping out a lady.

I can't help but think how skinny Ryan is, he's always been slim built, but as I prop him up I realized just how much he must actually weigh. I guess I never noticed when he started to lose weight; I guess I never noticed because I didn't care before. Why do I care now? Do I care now? Come to think of it why am I even here? Oh yeah, the "mystery of the Evans twins".

Well one thing for sure, they don't have it easy. Ryan gets beaten up nearly everyday for something that's not his fault, his sister acts as if nothing bothers her but I can see that her brother means everything to her, if people hurt him they hurt her. Maybe that's why she is the way she is, to protect herself and Ryan.

And then I realize that no one has said anything since we were at the top of the stairs and an awkward silence hangs in the air, I open my mouth to say something, but words seem to fail me so I close my gaping mouth and return to staring straight in front of me.

_**Ryan POV**_

I know Troy is physically repulsed by me, I know if I was him I would be. I sure wouldn't be comfortable propping up a skeletal 17 year old boy, and I know he can feel my ribs through my t-shirt, and I somehow feel proud. I'm sick to think it, but I am, I'm proud of my weight and everybody knows, including me that it's not healthy to be 17 and weigh the same as you did three years ago. But I just can't help it, and it's definitely not my fault that the food supplied in my house is  
practically inedible, and it's hard to gain weight on food that can only just pass the legal standard to be called food.

It's hard to gain weight when you don't want to.

So we reach the bottom of the stairs and Troy and Sharpay continue to all but carry me across the room to where that man sits reading his paper and when he looks up he's smiling. A fake smile, it's unmistakable, I do it enough, but a smile graces his lips all the same.

I knew he was going to do this, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

_**Sharpay POV**_

Dad's acting again, with that huge grin plastered across his face, I can tell it's really getting to Ryan and I can feel his body tensing.

And now Dad is walking over to Troy and holding out his hand to Troy who lets go of Ryan and takes my father's hand in a firm shake.

"Phil Evans." My father says in an overly friendly manner, no wonder Ryan and I are so good at acting we get to watch a pro.

"Troy. Troy Bolton, nice to meet you sir." Troy replies and I've noticed that my father still has a firm grip on Troy's hand.

"Well, I'd better make my way home." Troy says, pointing to the door, and finally my father realizes his grip on Troy's hand.

"I'll see you guys at school." Troy walks to the door quickly followed by Ryan who pushes my hand from off of his waist.

"Thanks for the English." He says not looking Troy straight in the eye and Troy pats my brother on the back saying something along the lines of "no problem man." and walks out of our house. _**Troy POV**_

Chad's still sitting in my car, fiddling with the buttons on the stereo. He's going to brake it one day and then what will we listen to? And what will he fiddle with when I'm otherwise obtained?

When I open the door and sit down, he gives me a questioning look, which I know means, "They live there?"

I didn't talk to Chad for a good 10 minutes, for some reason I wanted to be as far away from that house as possible. There was just something about that house that was... unnatural. Their father seemed nice enough to me, but there was definitely something strange about him.

"So they actually live there?" Chad asked after he could no longer take the silence. Turned out he had already broken my stereo, and that's why he was fiddling, his vain attempt to fix it.

"Yep they live there." I say simply.

"Oh, your no fun Bolton, I want gossip on "the snow leopard" and her wild pig."

Wild pig? Oh...A snow leopards pray, see TV does help you expand your mind.

"In their natural habitat." I laughed and a smile played on my lips at the concept of Sharpay still being considered icy and cold after the way I saw her treat her brother today.

"Well let me think... The house was probably the ugliest thing I have  
ever seen." Chad scoffed and I laughed. "And I swear their dad is weird, he shook my hand and wouldn't let me go."

"Maybe he's a queer like his son." Chad said laughing so hard he was doubled over.

"Dude, it's not that funny." I chuckled. But I had a sinking feeling in  
the bottom of my stomach that I had just made things twice as bad for the Evans'.

_**Ryan POV**_

"How come you have a friend?" My father spat, his nice act completely melting away in front of my eyes.

"He's not really a friend, just a guy from school." I say blankly, I can't be bothered to take his shit today. I try to walk towards the stairs only to be grabbed by my wrist, why do people always grab the wrists? And forced roughly in to a chair.

"I just want to have a nice little chat with my son." His sickly sweet voice polluting the air.

"Sharpay, sweetie, do you mind leaving your brother and I alone so that we can talk?" I nod at her and yet again I'm left alone with him.

"He was your boyfriend?" My father said with such disgust is his voice I was almost tempted to say yes just to see his face distort even more into one of loathing, and then I would know that I had got to him, like he had got to me so many times before.

"No."

"You're a lying shit, you know that?"

"I think you've told me once before." I smirk, I hate this man, I am repulsed by this man, and this is what this man has made me, cold and bitter.

"I knew he wouldn't have been your boyfriend. Who would want a skinny fucker like you?" He was leaning down and leering at me, his face centimeters away from mine.

"You know, no one will ever love you? You are worthless!" The words never affected me on the outside. I just sat and watched him, with a continually blank expression, and what ever he said to me I would not move a muscle, not even flinch. I have heard enough insults to last a life time.

But emotionally I was a state, my soul had been ripped to pieces, any inch of self-esteem I had left, had been stamped out along time ago, to put it simply I am empty, like a shell that has been cast aside by its owner and left to be claimed by the sea. I have nothing to give anymore, nothing to offer. I am nothing.

I was snapped back to reality when my father grabbed my shoulders and began shaking me vigorously, he used to do this when he first started to notice that I didn't like sports but instead I took part in acting. Acting was no way manly enough for my father's only son and so he tried to stop me from pursuing it. And let me tell you, trying to shake it out of me did not have the desired affect.

"YOU ARE NOT WORTH ANYTHING TO ME! I DON'T HAVE A SON ANYMORE! YOU ARE JUST A BOY! AND A COCK SUCKING BOY AT THAT!" he was screaming now and I had no doubt that Sharpay could hear every word. "WORTHLESS, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, A WORTHLESS COCK SUCKER!"

I am at breaking point, he's finally done it, I'm ready to shatter and brake and no one will be able to piece me back together again. But I can't let him win, if he breaks me he breaks Sharpay and I will not let him have her. I can't just sit back and take this shit! I stand steadily to my feet and with out thinking I draw back every ounce of hatred and anger I have towards the man still holding onto my shoulders and push him. And there's so much force in that one push that he stumbles back,and as quickly as I can in my still fragile state I run to the stairs,  
into my room and lock the door.

I'm safe for now. This room is my haven, but he's right, I am worthless. No one could ever love me; no one could find me beautiful, my mom used to call me 'her beautiful little boy' but I lost the privilege to be  
called that when she left, left me and Shar alone.

I'm not beautiful; I'm too scarred to be beautiful, too scarred to be loved. And I didn't realize that I'm crying, until the heart wrenching sobs rack my body. I don't stop until I bled, the red dripping down my arm and tears, tears of blood. How symbolic.

And then there is a knock ate the door and I hear Sharpay's voice floating through the door, but I can't be bothered to hide my scars any more, she knows but she's never seen. But I am emotionally unbalanced and I can't keep hiding, no more hiding. I open the door, pale face, red wrists and black and blue body. And as Sharpay looks down at my wrists, I fall forward and I'm out cold, and my last thought before the black claims me is "Maybe I cut too deep.

_**Sharpay POV**_

I lay Ryan on the floor, and fetch some water and a damp cloth. I press the cloth to his wrist, trying to stop the blood flow and at last it begins to clot. I do the best with the equipment I have, an old cloth wrapped around his wrist that is already starting to turn red, because I know that Ryan won't let me take him to a hospital.

I sit with him until he comes to, mopping his brow, holding his hand, talking softly to him. And I can't do any more with out taking him to a hospital and that is strictly prohibited. And he finally wakes and I'm holding him once again, brother and sister huddled on the floor, and Ryan's crying and apologizing again and holding onto me for dear life, saying that he never would have left me. I can't stay strong anymore, I let go and cry, the silent tears running down my cheeks to meet with those of the boy's I'm cradling in my arms.

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**God, I love Thesaurus' if the Internet didn't have one I would truly be stuck and this chapter would be as boring as hell, not that it was that much happened anyway, I'm sorry bout that by the way, next chapter will be more eventful I promise. **

**Lov ya guys**

**Alice**

**xoxox**


	6. Chapter 6

**As always I would like to thank everyone who reviewed – thats probably the most over done authors note on the whole of FF – but it's always nice to be polite lol. **

**Also – Thanks April!!!! I've always wanted to know what a c1 is and now i know :-D **

**I'm not particularly happy with this chapter, I just found it really hard to write, but I hope you guys like it R&R. - the mailing serivce thingy is dwn so every one will get a reply to their reveiws in the nxt chappy unless it's up and running by then. I think that the parapgraphing on this is a bit mucked up my uploading of chapters isn't working so i have to copy nad paste it!!!! Thanks guys, i'll stop talking now!  
**

**xoxoxo**

**Flawed **

**Chapter 6**

_**Ryan POV**_

The weekend has come and gone and nothing eventful has happened. Dad was  
out for most of it and for once he was too intoxicated to care where I  
was and what I was doing. I found him passed out on the door step this  
morning, but being the loving son I am, I stepped over him and went  
about my day.

School was worse than I had thought it would be. The news that Sharpay  
and I didn't have a penny to our name, had somehow gotten out amongst  
the alumni of East High, and I think I knew who the culprit was, who was  
spreading this around the school. Troy Bolton.

So, I'm standing at my locker as usual, waiting for Sharpay to return  
from the bathroom and finding it a lot easier to move considering its  
now been three days since I have received a beating and the bruises are  
finally fading, and Troy approaches me. I can't believe him, he's made  
my life even worse than it already is and he has the nerve to try and  
talk.

I turn my back on Troy who tries to speak, but speaking to the back of  
someone's head is not much fun, he should try talking to the floor when  
someone's boot is on your head holding you down. He tries again,  
starting with a feeble, "I'm sorry; I don't know how it got out." I  
scoff.

"How it got out? I knew there was some kind of ulterior motive to coming  
around on Friday, you could have just as easily given the work to  
Sharpay."

"Look Ryan, it wasn't me who said anything, I only told Chad, and that  
was it."

"Oh, well that's ok then. Tell him that the fag lives in a run down dump  
did you? Tell him about the fact that I still have nightmares did you?  
Tell him that I can't even walk down the stairs by myself? It doesn't  
matter that you only told Chad because now the whole school knows. And  
my life is even more fucking perfect than it was before. Thanks Troy!"  
The sarcasm is dripping from my mouth, and as every word comes out, I  
look him directly in the eyes, hoping to intensify the guilt that he  
should be feeling.

"I'm sorry." Is all he says and then he walks away.

_**Sharpay POV**_

I'm in the bathroom, powdering my nose when two girls from my drama  
class walk in. In normal circumstances they would have quivered even if  
I so much as looked in their direction, and I liked it that way, it  
caused everyone to stay away from my business.

But today the circumstances were all different, I turned my head to see  
who had entered the room and as soon as they saw me they looked at each  
other, laughed, whispered and then exited without even so much as using  
the toilet. It's as if me being in there has contaminated it.

My whole life is falling apart, right in front of my eyes. My brother,  
an emotional wreck. My father, an alcoholic and all round violent person  
and now my only defense mechanism, my icy facade has been shattered. It  
shouldn't bother me this much, I'm used to people not coming near me,  
I'm used to the names they have for me. But the way those girls looked  
at me was not the way y 27m used to people looking at me, they looked  
disgusted at my presence.

Things are getting harder by the minute and I'm trying to fight back the  
tears, I quickly hide myself in a cubical as I hear two people entering  
the bathroom.

"Seriously, I don't even know why Troy got himself involved!" The girl  
talking was unmistakably Gabriella and I guess the other must have been  
Taylor.

"Maybe he was trying to be helpful?" Taylor suggested.

"Helpful? He has been anything but helpful, I feel really sorry for Ryan  
and  
Sharpay I really do."

And I can't keep the tears from falling, but I grab a tissue and dab my  
eyes trying to make myself relatively presentable, I know they will be  
surprised when they notice that I've been crying. Sharpay Evans does not  
cry, especially in public.

I walk out of my hiding place and both Gabriella and Taylor turn around  
to see who had just come out of the toilet, they have to take a double  
take to realize that it was me, un-made up, puffy-eyed me.

"Oh my god, Sharpay, I'm so sorry about what Troy and Chad did."  
Gabriella starts to babble but my brain hasn't totally engaged yet, so  
I'm standing there, expressionless, while she just digs herself deeper  
and deeper into a hole, until Taylor stops her.

"Oh, don't worry about it." I say a little too quietly, looking at the  
floor, I'm not used to people seeing me this vulnerable.

And then Gabi does something that I would have never expected, she put  
her hand on her shoulder and says "Look, Sharpay, if you ever need to  
talk, I'm here. Why don't you come and sit with us at lunch today?"

I actually laugh at this. Ryan would never go for the idea of sitting  
with the people who have bullied him practically his whole life. But  
sometimes I need a girl to talk to and Gabriella and Taylor are offering  
me some sort of friendship even after I was so awful towards them. Why  
shouldn't I except?

_**Troy POV**_

"What?"

"You heard me; Sharpay and Ryan are coming to sit with us at lunch. So  
deal with it Troy, it's the least you can do, so be nice."

Gabriella really does have me wrapped round her little finger because  
all I can do is sit and gape at her. I can't even bring myself to tell  
her to take the invitation back.

And so I'm sitting at the lunch table practically having to stop Chad  
from saying anything spiteful to Ryan as he picks at his food, why wont  
that kid at?

The girls are chatting about the last weekend and Sharpay has seemed to  
settle straight in with Gabi and Taylor and they look as if they had  
been friends for years and all of Sharpay's bitchiness has seemed to  
disappear.

"So Sharpay? What are you doing tonight? I know it's a school night but  
Taylor and I were thinking of having a girls' night in with some popcorn  
and a couple of films, do you want to come?" Gabi asked and I know I'm  
staring, but I just can't help it. And now Gabi is glaring at me as if  
to say "leave it Troy" and so I quickly turn my head to look down at my  
plate again only to hear Sharpay's shocked reply.

"Urm... I'm not sure thats a good idea, I wouldn't want to leave Ryan  
alone  
wi-" and she's cut off mid sentence as Ryan's head shoots up form  
looking down.

"No, no it's fine. Sharpay go have a night in with the girls. I'll. Be.  
Just. Fine" He says the last sentence in a very low controlled voice  
which is almost threatening but I put it out of mind, Ryan Evens is  
anything but threatening.

Sharpay looks at him inquisitively for a few moments then turns back to  
Gabriella and agrees to go to her house tonight. And then suddenly Gabi  
is nudging me and "subtlety" nodding her head towards Ryan, and I know  
what she's implying and I'd do anything to keep my girlfriend sweet,  
even though I'm receiving very indignant shaking of heads from the guys  
sitting around the table.

"Ryan?" I start "Umm... as the girls are doing something tonight maybe  
you'd like to join us guys on a night out somewhere?"

Ryan's looking at me skeptically and then over at Chad, Jason and Zeke  
who are staring at me with looks that say "Jesus Christ Troy, you did  
not just invite Ryan Evens on a night out with us?!" And Ryan has a  
small smile playing on his lips as if he is happy that he can mess up  
their night out just with his presence and so he agrees and all the guys  
groan inwardly.

_**Ryan POV**_

I can't be bothered to put any effort to get ready, I put on a pair of  
jeans and a T-shirt, it's not as if I am going out on the pull or  
anything. And there is the knock at the door and I answer it as my fake  
Ryan, happy, over exaggerated, sometimes quiet Ryan.

Troy stands their with his cronies in tow, and I shut the door behind me  
ready to go, and suddenly I realize I have no idea where we are actually  
going. I am just there, it's not like people will talk to me, but I'm  
fine with that. It gives me a chance to get out of that house.

We arrive at a bar, and we take a seat in the corner. And I'm wondering  
what the point of coming here is as we aren't nearly old enough to  
drink. But as if someone read my mind Chad appears brandishing a fake ID  
and asking what everyone wants to drink. I ask for an orange juice but  
get given a beer. I promised Sharpay I wouldn't drink but when they all  
start playing drinking games, I can't take the pressure of people  
continually staring at me and I'm hearing chants of "Ry-an! Ry-an!  
Ry-an!" and I'm on my fifth beer of the evening and everyone is laughing  
and joking and I'm sitting there and the room is spinning and my vision  
is blurred and everything seems so far away but I still have time to a  
revelation.

I realize that for once in my life I feel ecstatically happy and it's  
not because I feel like have friends because I know they are pretending  
and it doesn't bother me, it's because I feel invincible, like nothing  
can hurt me. And it's all because of alcohol.

_**Troy POV**_

"I'll see you guys tomorrow, I'm going to take Ryan home, he's past it."  
I say laughing as I prop Ryan up against my shoulder just as I had done  
when helping him down the stairs at his house, as he giggles  
hysterically.

I laugh at him, which causes him to laugh even harder and I feel that  
he's finally being genuine, and that's not a good sign, when someone is  
drunk to finally see the side of them you have never seen before even if  
it is for the better.

I help him along the street, and he's muttering things about Sharpay to  
me about her being nice and kind and helpful and loving and that she  
doesn't mean to be like she is, and I am only half listening and he says  
something that catches my ear, but he's saying it more to himself than  
to me but I still listen to his murmurings.

"She cares, no one else cares. She loves me. No one else loves me." And  
he looks like he's about to cry and I just want to hug this boy, who  
looks so little and so vulnerable and then suddenly Ryan bursts into  
laughter again and his vulnerability has vanished.

"R- remember when..." He laughs and can't get the rest of the story out  
of his mouth as the giggles shake his whole body.

"Ryan we're at your house, do you want me to open your door for you, or  
will you be ok?" I ask and receive a muffled "Ok" from the boy next to  
me and he stumbles to his door and waves manically at me. All scene of  
sadness has vanished from him in a matter of minutes and for some reason  
this has made me extremely uneasy but as per usual I put all doubts  
aside and walk away from an extremely drunk Ryan trying to open his  
door.

_**Ryan POV**_

I try and put the key in the lock, but it just wont go, and I try over  
and over again and I can't help but laugh and I fall forward on to the  
door, causing it to swing open.

"Oh!" I say pleasantly surprised, but I trip over the front door step  
and land flat on my face, I sit up with a goofy smile plastered on my  
face. And looking up I see my wonderful sister.

"SHARPAAAAAAYY!!!" I call out leaning forward to hug her legs.

_**Sharpay POV**_

"Ryan? You're drunk!"

"No. I'm. Not!" His voice is unusually slow as if he's trying to make  
his speech less slurred, and he's shaking his head in a ridiculously  
over exaggerated fashion.

"Jesus Christ Ryan, It's late, I was worried sick!"

"What are you my mother?" And as his speech slurs he laughs, it makes me  
feel sick watching my brother become just like my father.

Ryan told me that he'd never touch alcohol, but he obviously wanted to  
"fit in" with the guys so much that he would break a promise to me. Ryan  
would never break a promise willingly, it was that Troy Bolton and Chad  
Danforth. I blame them for my brothers behavior, not Ryan.

"Come on Ryan, let's get you up to bed." I say exasperated.

"No!" His change in tone is so dramatic that it scares me, he gone from  
quite loving drunk to suddenly quite aggressive. And Ryan is not  
aggressive.

"Come on Ryan!" I almost shout grabbing his wrist, but he pulls it away  
from me so violently it strikes me across the face. I know it was an  
accident. But I just stare at him, rubbing my reddening cheek with my  
hand.

He's looking at me now, as if he only just realizes that I'm here. And a  
single tear trickles down his cheek at the realization of what he had  
done. He inches closer to me and raises his hand to lower mine so that  
he can assess the damage, but I flinch out of his way. I know Ryan would  
never hurt me purposely but it doesn't stop me reacting the way I  
normally would if someone raises their hand to me.

And now Ryan's crying harder, cursing himself for being so stupid and he  
starts to claw at his wrists, loud sobs emitting from his mouth as he  
collapses to the floor. And I watch him do this and suddenly I'm beside  
him holding his hands, wiping the tears away from his cheeks and I hug  
him and he hugs me and we sit in the hallway of our tiny house embracing  
each other and I never want to let go. He is the most precious thing in  
my life.

**I don't know if you ever noticed this but I always end the chapters in the same way... well except one... but anyway just to let u know, it is on purpose!! I thought it was quite clever lol :-)**

**lov u guys**

**xoxox **


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning: Lots and lots of swearing, can I just say that this warning is for all l8r chapters frm now on , I know I'll 4get to say it l8r on in the story so take this as your final warning bout swearing lol**

**I hope I got the tension and the idea of panic right in this chapter... ooh big hint of what happens !!**

* * *

**Flawed **

Chapter 7

_**Ryan POV**_

I hit my sister!!! I FUCKING HIT MY SISTER!!!! I keep replaying that moment in my head.

"It was an accident." Is what she keeps telling me, but I can only see her face, and the magnitude of the pain I caused her. It wasn't that I hit her hard it's the fact it was me doing it, I thought I saw her heart break when I looked into her eyes.

I can't take these images, they are everywhere and they are haunting me. Everywhere I look I see her face, her broken soul evident. I need to rid myself of them somehow, I've tried cutting them out and even that only gives a moments peace.

Sharpay has left a box of twenty Tylenol by my bed; I guess she guessed I would be nursing one hell of a hang over. I look at the box and contemplate what I'm about to do.

I have ten pills in my hand and a glass of water in the other and I'm about to swallow all of the pills at once when another picture comes to my mind, again it's of Sharpay but this time she's alone and she's in pain and she needs help, but I'm not there to help her.

And so I compromise, I'll take 5 now and wait and see what happens, but I'll take the box to school with me, as the boy scouts would say "always be prepared."

Sharpay and I are at school now and I'm feeling slightly dizzy and a bit sick but I don't think I'm going to fall over so I don't say a word. I just pretend to be fine, I'm good at pretending.

I'm now standing with Troy and the guys and I can't help but admire Troy's hair and how his whole face and his eyes light up when he smiles and his body, oh his body, the one he works so hard to maintain, what I wouldn't give to have that body. To claim that body as my own. To love that body! And I bite back a sigh.

Sharpay is with Gabriella and Taylor and I can hear their conversation in the background as I half listen to Jason tell yet another story about him and Kelsi.

"Shar, where did you get that bruise?"

"What, oh this, this is nothing."

"Did someone hit you?"

"No, no it's nothing like that, I fell."

But as per usual in a school news travels fast and by lunch time everyone is talking about how Sharpay was hit. And then speculation went around the school about who could have possibly got close enough to hit her. And the blame landed on me.

I couldn't have people thinking that, I've always kept myself to myself and now people think I hit my sister. I blame myself for last night I really do but to have everyone else blame me for something I never meant to do, I can't handle that. I never meant to hurt her, I never meant to hit Sharpay.

And now I'm running, running as fast as I can down the crowded corridor with people yelling things at me and I crash through the doors and I'm so panicked I don't even lock the door. I rip open the packet of Tylenol and pour the remaining 15 out onto the side and I don't care any more, I'm swept up in the moment. I scoop the pills into my hand and pour them into my mouth and dry swallow every single one. I don't even care about the bitter taste now lining my mouth. It will finally be over, in a couple of hours there will be no more Ryan Evans!

I sit still for a moment but nothings happening, surely something should be happening. I have twenty Tylenol tablets in my bloodstream, something should be happening! My stomach lurches as I stand up to head for the door but the world is spinning at top speed and I realize I'm laughing hysterically because I know that this is the end, finally the end, and I can be free, free from my selfish existence.

My heart is going a hundred miles a minute, this doesn't feel right! And I've gone from ecstatically happy to extreme panic in a matter of seconds. My heart is going to explode, I want it to stop. If I stand still it might stop. Make it stop, oh god please MAKE IT STOP!!!!

The tears are falling hard and fast down my cheeks as I claw at my hair trying to make the pounding stop but I suddenly realize someone has joined me in the bathroom. Just tell them. Tell them what you've done. TELL THEM!!! I yell at myself, I can't go through this on my own. I thought I could but I can't. I'm selfish, I need people around me. I need to tell this person my heart is going to explode at any moment.

"It's beating so fast, I can't make it stop!!" I cry, my voice is so pained and full of sorrow and I finally look up to see who I am going to be baring my heart to. Typical. Troy Bolton!

"Ryan, I don't understand what you mean."

My breath is becoming less regular and labored and I feel weak, tired, hot and sticky and I can't take it, I want it to be over! No! I need help! But I'm so close. No what about Sharpay?

"Ryan tell me what you mean!" Troy says, I can sense the panic in his voice.

I point to the pills and collapse to the floor.

_**Troy POV**_

Shit! Crap! Fuck! Shit!

What do I do? What do I do?

Try and make him regain consciousness. Yes, that's a good place to start.

"Ryan? Ryan? Talk to me buddy, tell me something, tell me why you did this, talk to me Ryan!" I slap his cheeks a couple of times and he comes to.

Yes!!

I can breath.

"ummmm." He mutters his face paling.

"'Tell me why you did this Ryan? I need to keep you awake, Ryan. Talk to  
me! Please."

"I can't tell, not you, not to anyone."

And I can see that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better because he's shivering and starting to shake violently.

"Ryan I have to go and get someone, you need to go to a hospital."

"No Troy! Please, don't leave me. I don't what to die alone. Because that's  
what I want Troy, to die, but not alone, no one should die alone. Please."

"Why? Why do you want to die?" I can feel tears stinging my eyes just hearing anyone talk like this is enough to bring me to tears let alone someone I've known practically my whole life and I've never even noticed he felt like this.

"No, I can't tell you Troy, you don't understand, I just can't tell anyone."

He breaths in and instead of breathing he starts to cough and bile rises to the top of his throat and he's sick. Violently sick. Retching his guts over the floor of a school bathroom. This is definitely not the place to die.

"Sorry." He whispers as shivers rack his body and I can't think of any thing else to do so I take my jacket off and drape it around his shoulders and wrap my arm around his shoulders and he flinches away from the contact but when he realizes that it was a friendly gesture he relaxes.

"Ryan, I'm going to help you, I promise."

"Can't you just jet me go. I want to go. I need to be free. Why would anyone want to help a "fag" like me especially the legendary Troy Bolton?"

"Don't say that! I see something in you Ryan, I sometimes think I see hope in your eyes. I saw you as you yesterday and I liked it. I enjoyed that guys company.

"That wasn't me. No one has ever seen the real me, I don't think he exists anymore. You want to know what I did yesterday after you took me home? I hit Sharpay, I hit her and I hurt her and I never wanted to end up like him, but I have! She gave me the same look she gives him. I can't take it Troy!"

"Who's him?"

"I can't, I can't, I'm sorry."

And another bout of coughing followed this remark and then followed retching and after that vomiting. He needs a doctor and fast.  
__ _**Ryan POV**_

I want to sleep. But I can't because I have Troy constantly blabbering in my ear. My manic heart beat has now slowed right down. It seems as if it's tired from running a race, or it's just too lazy to work properly. I subconsciously wrap Troy's arms tighter around myself and snuggle into his chest and he doesn't pull away and it doesn't fell awkward, it fells right. Like this is meant to be.

"Ryan, tell me bout yourself." God he's lame!

"Troy you've known me forever."

"Yeah but I've never really known you."

"Fine, what do you want to know?"

"Anything."

"Okay, where to start? I'm gay, I'm suicidal, I'm poor, I don't have any parents. To sum everything up. I have a pretty shit life the only good thing about it is Sharpay." And I smile thinking about my sister and I finally feel the first pangs of guilt.

"You have your dad. I know you do because I've met him." Troy says  
confused.

It's too late now Ryan, he knows to much, you may as well tell him.

"If you knew my father you would wish he was dead as well." I say.

Troy laughs and says. "Have you met my dad? Slave driver supreme."

I smirk "Troy, you've met my father. You probably thought "What a nice man." You obviously haven't been introduced to the back of his hand or his boot or his- "

The breaths caught in my throat and I can't breath, I'm scared, really scared, and the black is descending and it's oddly peaceful. And it's over finally over. I've actually done it. I'm free!

_**Troy POV**_

I sit in shock for a minute or two, did he just imply that his father...no... that can't be right. But the bruising I saw on his body, the nightmares, the house, it all makes so much sense.

I suddenly realize that Ryan has stopped talking, he's gone limp in my arms.

Shit!

"Ryan!" I shout checking for a pulse, he has one but it's almost too weak to detect. I race outside and shout down the corridor for help. Why didn't I just do this before? I guess I was to busy getting to know the real Ryan Evans and now it might be too late.

_**Sharpay POV**_

I'm walking down the corridors on my way to my next lesson, I'm starting to worry, I haven't seen Ryan all day, and with those rumors going round, I don't want him to do anything stupid.

I can see a crowd up ahead, there's a paramedic wheeling someone out on a gurney form the boys bathroom and I suddenly feel like I'm going to faint and fear washes over me and they next couple of minutes feel like a dream, like I'm walking in slow motion, screaming in slow motion when I see my brother lying motionless on a gurney. And someone is holding me back. And I'm crying my head in their shoulder and I look up to meet blue eyes with tears about to fall. Troy. Crying over Ryan?

"Why would he do this?" I whisper.

"He wanted to be free." Was the reply I got from the most unlikely source. 

**I don't know why but a lot of this story takes place in the school bathroom ... how truly odd!!!! I didn't even really register I was doing it until this chapter lol **


	8. Chapter 8

**Flawed **

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed it means a lot!! and I'm sorry if you missed out on my ever popular PMs I just have such a bad memory I can't remember if I sent u one or not so it's ne thing personal its just my horrible memory! **

Chapter 8 

_**Sharpay POV **_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

That's all that echoes through my mind. Those machines connected to my brother's body.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I want to turn it off, but I'm too selfish. I want to take his hand and tell him to be free, but I'm too selfish. All I can do is to listen to their constant rhythm.

The doctors want to know why he did this; they want to get him a psychologist and a psychiatrist and a social worker and I know that what he needs but I refuse them to take further action with this case. I tell  
them that it must have been an accidental overdose. They look at me skeptically but it is for the best. It's what he would have wanted. God, it sounds like he's dead already.

They have tried to get hold of my dad a couple of times but I tell them that he is out of town on business. If they really cared, they would have checked on the file and found out that he was unemployed but I guess they don't care because they stop asking questions now and leave  
me alone to hold Ryan's hand and listen to the beeps.

_**Ryan POV**_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

That's the sound I hear when I wake up, the constant beep of a monitor recording the constant beat of a heart. My heart.

I look to my side and Sharpay has my hand in hers and her head resting on the side of my bed. She's asleep. I lift my free hand slowly, careful not to tug on any of tube that connect me to the various appliances in the room, I reach out and stroke her hair. How could I have wanted to leave this world behind me? When I have everything I need here, in this one person.

When I realize that she is awake and looking at her with her sorrowful eyes I start to cry. The loud sobs coming from my mouth. I apologize to my sister again and again like I have so many times before. And she says something that I don't ever want to hear said again.

"Ryan, you scared me. I thought I'd lost you."

We are both crying now and she leans over and kisses my cheek clinging  
to me as if to check that I wouldn't disappear once she let go and that I am still real. Later that day I find out that I have to stay in  
hospital for a couple more days so they can monitor me. I then find out that "monitor" means pump me full of things that will make me put on weight. I'm too powerless to stop them, I don't have a say in what they do, if it puts my health at risk they can do anything they want. I sometimes think they have me on suicide watch as I see the same doctor walk past my room every window and peer through the window every 10minutes.

I don't mind being watched, I don't even mind being pumped full of drugs but what I do mind is they won't let me bleed. They may as well tie my hands to the bed to make me stop, depriving me my release is making me angry, irritable and emotional. It's extremely unnerving.

_**Troy POV**_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

That's the sound that fills the room when he sleeps. I wonder what he remembers about yesterday before he passed out. I wonder what he thinks of me for trying to help him and not letting him die. I wonder if he's mad at me for calling the ambulance. I wonder if he remembers me holding him. I'm still mulling things over when I hear a cough from the other side of the room.

Ryan is staring at me in bewilderment. I guess he didn't think he would get any visitors other than Sharpay.

"Hey." I start nervously

"Hey. Troy what are you doing here?"

"I came to see if you were ok. I was the one who found you. Remember?"

"Ummhmm." He says, he seems to be slightly embarrassed.

"I'm sorry if I said something, anything, for that matter, to make you feel uncomfortable." He adds.

I can't help but laugh. "Ryan, I'm just glad your ok. You said something last night that scared me though. I've never heard someone sound so definite about anything."

"Why? What did I say?" He snapped, he obviously couldn't remember anything we talked about yesterday.

"Ermm... you said... "that's what I want Troy, I want to die but not alone no one should die alone" or something similar to that."

"Oh right, I'm sorry, I didn't by any chance say anything, hypothetically, you know, about... _him_.. did I?"

"Him?" I asked.

"Ok, never mind. I obviously didn't, so no need to worry you." He said quickly and I cursed my self for not taking up that perfect opportunity to talk about his father. When Ryan sits up I can see the scars that litter his lower arms, as the sleeves of the hospital gown only go as far as the elbow, and I don't think I have ever seen so many scars like that before, and I want to reach out and trace my finger along every one of them and erase them from his body. But he's noticed I'm staring and he's pulled the blanket right up to his chin.

"Get an eye full did ya?" He asks aggressively.

I'm shocked at how quickly he can change. "Ryan, look, I didn't come here to argue. I just wanted to see if you were ok."

"Well I am so can you leave please."

I don't understand why me looking at his scars has upset him so much.

_**Ryan POV**_

He was staring I know it. I feel if people see my scars they can see deeper, into my soul, see my weakness.

"Ok I'll leave, but you know Ryan, I promised I would help you and I really have every intention of keeping that promise."

And just like that, I'm in tears once again. And Troy looks awkward once again and I try to apologize but my words get stuck in my throat.

"Why are you crying? Was it something I said?" Was the worried response from Troy and he looks at the door ready to run and fetch Sharpay but he stops and stares at me as he hears my response.

"Cause your being so nice, you want to help me and I don't know why."

"Ryan? Look at me." He says and I look up tears streaming down my face,

"You're not as worthless as you think. Ry, I found you trying to kill yourself and you expect me to just walk away? Well I can't do that, I'm not like Chad and the others, I can't ignore a person who needs help."

And I'm crying harder now, I'm not used to people being so nice, so genuine with me and Troy said I wasn't worthless, and that means more to me than he will ever know. He's walking over to me and I'm not sure what he's about to do but he sits on the edge of my bed and lays his hand  
awkwardly on top of mine. And I can't help but laugh and I crack a watery smile.

"Being gay isn't contagious, you know."

"Yeah I know!" He says defensively and slightly embarrassed. "I was just making sure how comfortable you were with me touching you, that's all."

"Lame cover up Troy."

"Hey! You flinched yesterday when I was just trying to keep you warm." He laughed and now it was my turn to blush.

I smiled a weak smile, but it was a smile all the same. And then he did something that probably took a lot of courage on his part. He took my hand properly in his so that we were actually holding hands and that's how we sat for what seemed like an eternity just holding hands in silence.

_**Troy POV**_

"I know about your dad Ry." And that was how I broke the silence. I don't think I will ever forget the look of sheer terror on Ryan's face when that sentence was uttered.

"What? What do you mean Troy? That he's away on business that...that... that..." the boy stuttered.

"Ryan I know! You told me yesterday."

Ryan was crying again, god I hate it when he cries, it's like he's pouring his soul out through his eyes.

"What did I tell you?" He asked shakily.

"That he hits you; well that's what you implied anyway."

"I see." The silent tears were falling down Ryan's cheeks but it seemed he was contemplating what to do next, where to take the situation from here, because to be honest I certainly didn't know.

"Don't tell anyone Troy, please." I couldn't believe him, his father was beating him up and he didn't want anyone to know.

"What?"

"Don't tell a soul, do you promise me?"

"Yes, ok but can I ask you a few questions?"

"Ok." The tears were subsiding and the boy sounded uneasy.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you do it? Why did you do it?"

"You want to know the truth about Ryan Evans, Troy, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"

"I really do." I said simply.

"Trust me it's not a pretty story."

"I don't mind, I just want to know why."

"Ok, to start. My mother left when Sharpay and I were 7, I didn't know until later that she went off with another man. My father was once a loving, kind man but once Mom left he turned to a drink for comfort. The early days weren't too bad. He'd come home late, Sharpay and I would be  
in bed and he'd stumble and maybe fall and we'd wakeup and see him and that was all, but when we lost the house, that's when things started to get bad and he started to drink more. Sharpay and I were  
about 14 when we moved and were old enough to stay up and wait for dad to come home. I wish we never had. He'd come home and stumble toward the sofa where me and Shar would always sit and wait, and one time I got up to hug him but he swatted me back but I fell hard and broke my wrist  
and he didn't take me to the ER, he laughed and sent me and my sister to bed."

At this Ryan took a deep breath and continued with his story, while I sat there, fingers still entwined with his.

"There were times when he wouldn't come home at all and we'd wait all night for him. When me and Sharpay reached 15 he started trying to touch her and calling her "his princess" and it made me sick and so I tried to step in, I tried to hit him but he was bigger than me and he hit me back. And after that day I was his punching bag, every time he took a step towards Sharpay I would be there to take his aggression, and this became a nightly affair. And you wonder why I cut Troy? I cut because it is something I can control. I can't control my father's temper, I can't control the abuse I get at school but I can control this one thing Troy. It saves me, and I think it's fair to say that I could do with something  
to save me"

"Oh my god Ryan! I had no idea."

"No one did Troy, that's why I'm such a good actor because I learnt from the best. Acting is just an advanced from of lying after all."

It scared me how straightforward Ryan said these things.

"You want to know why I did what I did yesterday?"

"Yeah, you've started now." I said, to be honest I was quite curious to know what goes through this boys head.

"Well we went out drinking the other night, and I came home in high spirits but when I got home Sharpay was waiting for me like she had done for our father all those times before. And she was telling me to go upstairs and get into bed and she grabbed my arm and when I pulled it away I hit her across her face. I had become like him. Just like him. I broke a promise Troy, I said I'd never touch alcohol but for once, in a strange way, I felt accepted. So I took the drinks that I was offered.

And when the rumor got out around school that I hit Sharpay, and to me, a weak, insecure person like myself, things like that can tip you over the edge. And that's why I did it Troy, that's why I wanted to die."

"Do you blame me for not letting you go?"

He laughs half heartedly "No, Troy I don't, I'm glad I'm here. I have to protect my sister. Even if it is too late for Ryan Evans to be saved at least Sharpay can have an honest chance."

"Ry, it's never too late to be saved." I said and I untangled my finger from his and hugged him and that's when I felt the tears wet my T-shirt.

I want to help him so badly, but I just don't know how but for now I can just be there. I can be a shoulder to cry on a friend to turn to when things get tough. This boy opened his heart up to me and it's the least I owe him for my behavior in the past. 


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Only 4 more chapters people! I'm going to be uber sad when this is over I've absolutely loved writing it and the response from everyone is amazing thank u so much!! **

**Oh and thank u April!!! - I haven't said that in a while so I thought I should just remind everyone that April is my beta reader!!**

* * *

Flawed

**Chapter 9**

_**Ryan POV**_

I'm being discharged today, they say I'm making "progress". Progress? What the hell does that mean? Sure I've put on a stone but only because they  
made me. I don't feel any different, maybe fatter and uglier but my attitude towards about myself, my father and even life hasn't altered in the slightest.

My only opinion that may have changed, is my opinion of the one and only, Troy Bolton. He has been to see me everyday since I was admitted and  
he's not afraid to be there for me when I need a friend to talk to and he doesn't run a mile when I have my minor brake downs.

The only thing I worry about now that Troy and I are friends, is that he was my idol, he was the person I always wanted to be with, the person who materialized in my dreams. He was...no IS my dream guy. But now I'm afraid that I'm going to fall in to deep. When I didn't know him it was lust, pure lust. I could look but never touch and dream about what it would be like to actually talk to him.

And now the whole dynamics have changed, I can speak, touch, listen to, Troy Bolton. And it's worse than I had imagined because he is more than I dreamt about. He is kind and sensitive and loyal and now I think it is becoming more than lust. And I'm scared.

XXXX

Dad is here to take me home, and Troy and Sharpay are firmly pressed to my sides and trying to help me with my bags. My father takes the bags from Troy's hands and plastering a fake smile on his face he says

"It's good to see you again Troy, nice to see Ryan has the support of a  
good friend through tis difficult time."

And I could tell that he knows that I had told Troy something because Troy is glaring at him with such venom he could challenge a cobra. Troy is  
not the king of subtlety.

I say thanks to Troy and get into the car with my family. I know Troy  
can't believe how normal I act around the man who causes me so much pain but one day I'll tell him that it comes with practice.

_**Troy POV**_

Ryan has changed me, in a good way, always in a good way. He taught me to open my eyes, live life to the full, take advantage of everything that you have because you don't know when it could be taken away from you, and most of all don't judge a book by it's cover because you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

I never thought I'd say this but I actually admire Ryan Evans, he is an amazing person. He looks out for his sister like no one else could. He's gave up his happiness to put her first, not a lot of people would do that. As I watch him and his sister drive off with that monster and I feel my  
heart tighten, I got to know the real Ryan Evans and he's such a gentle caring person and he certainly doesn't deserve to be treated like that.

_**Sharpay POV**_

It's yet another Monday morning but this time I'm not going to school alone. I finally have my brother back, it's been three weeks and the gossip has finally died down but I know as soon as Ryan walks through that door the noise and the whispers will start all over again. But he's back and he's here and he's alive and thats all I care about.

The act is holding strong for Ryan, he doesn't want to give it up that easily so we walk through the doors of East High with our heads held high, and as I predicted the whispers start.

"I thought he'd died."

"Oh My God he's back, I heard he tried to top himself cause he hit his sister."

"No thats not true, I heard it was because he's gay and his dad kicked him out the house."

And the rumors went flying around the school each grade with their own theory of what happened to Ryan. And as if things had never changed I told Ryan to ignore them and that's what he did.

But one thing that has changed is that he's been accepted by the one person no one would have expected. Troy Bolton is actually friends with Ryan Evans.

I'm standing with Gabi and Taylor and watching Ryan talk to Troy while Taylor rambles on about some part of the chemistry homework that I'm sure that I haven't done.

Ryan is smiling and this time it's a genuine smile, and he's laughing, God, it's good to hear him laugh again. It's been years since I've heard that sound.

"Shar, are you ok?" And then I'm snapped back to reality where I realise I'm grinning like a gormless idiot.

"yep, yep fine thanks"

"Erm 'cause I just wanted to ask you the real reason Ryan tried to, well you know. 'Cause I've heard all the rumors and I just wanted to hear the truth from the one person we all know Ryan tells everything to." Gabi looks down at her feet, she obviously feels awkward asking.

"look I honestly don't know why he did it. He really doesn't tell me everything." I glance over at the smiling boy and my insides glow with pride, he's found someone that finally cares enough to try and save Ryan Evans.

"Was it because of what Troy and Chad did?"

"What? No!"

"'Cause Troy wants to take a brake from us. And he says it's because he wants to help Ryan. And I was just wondering if it was because he felt guilty and then if it's not, then maybe this brake is unnecessary."

"What? I can't believe you, I thought you where one for helping people." I say, outraged.

"Yer I am. But... but I've seen the way you brother looks at Troy and I just don't want him to get hurt because he does realise, him and Troy? Never.

Going. To happen!" The spite drips from her mouth and I just stare gob smacked!

THAT BITCH!!! THAT FUCKING DOUBLE CROSSING BITCH!!!

She's just as selfish as the rest of the world, trying to come off as a kind considerate sweet girl but underneath she is a conniving whore, just out  
for herself.

She fucking expects me to go to my brother and ask him if he tried to kill himself because of Troy?

I know why Ryan did it and Troy is as far from the truth as you could possibly get!

_**Troy POV**_

The more I spend time with Ryan the more I like his company. Although he's to good at covering up things that bother him and thats what I can't stand. I never know if he is truly ok because he never conveys the emotion on his face like normal people do. He hides it, sometimes to well.

Ryan to me, is the importance of innocence the beauty in this world compressed by something ugly, like a flower that grows amongst weeds. You cut away the weeds and all that is left it the beautiful flower. Ryan is

that flower. He's beautiful in so many ways that he doesn't realise. He's kind and sensitive and brave and...and beautiful.

I can't explain it but Ryan Evans is beautiful. His eyes show so much pain yet he can still amaze me with the strength that he shows his sister.

_**Ryan POV**_

Nothing has changed, everything is the same. The whispers the taunts. It's as if nothing had happened. People say that you come out of experiences like mine a better person, a more confident, stronger person. But mine has broken me, even the rule has shunned me. I don't even fit a theory and I feel history will repeat itself sooner or later.

XXXX

I'm pinned against the lockers once again, and I feel a blow to the stomach and I close my eyes tight and wish that this torture would end , and another blow to my stomach and I double over, and another and I'm on the floor, with the wind knocked out of me fighting for breath. I'm picked up by the  
back of my shirt and the boy who has me in his grip looks me up and down, and grabbing my balls whispers,

"Like that do you fag?"

I whimper in pain, and I'm so scared, I'm scared that my innocence could  
be ripped from me by this wanker.

"Tell me you like it and I'll let you go!"

I shake my head slightly and I sob silently as his grip on my crotch tightens. And he slaps me over and over telling me to stop crying,telling me just give him what he wants and it will all be over but I wont, I can't, and the beatings continue getting harder each time. See things for Ryan Evans will never change. I'll always be in hell.

"Oi!"

"Piss off Bolton" The boy spits.

"Let. Him. Go!" Troy says in a controlled voice.

"I SAID LET HIM GO!!!" And this time he shouts it and the boy releases his grip and I collapse in blubbering mess on the ground.

"Suit yourself Bolton. Your just as bad as that queer!" And he walks away from the scene.

_**Troy POV**_

"Ryan? Come on buddy, your hurt let me see."

"Just leave me alone Troy."

"Come on Ryan, let me see your face." And I go to take his hand away from his cheek and he shrinks away.

"I said Get away from me!!" He cries, he doesn't realise but he's slowly braking my heart. I can't to bare to see anyone like this but to see someone I care about so vulnerable, so scared. It really gets to me.

"Ok, I'll go, you know where I am if you need me." I say and I start to walk away.

"No wait!" I look back "don't leave me." He says in a practicably inaudible voice.

I kneel down besides the sobbing boy and I lift my hand to touch the one cradling his cheek.

"Let me have a look at your face, please Ryan?"

He lowers his hand and I see the reddening mark across his cheek and I can see the definite hand print marring his skin.

"come on Ry, lets get out of here and you can tell me what happened  
later but lets just get out of this place ok?"

"Ok" he says weakly and I help him up onto shaky feet, subconsciously taking his hand in mine and leading him out of the school gates.

_**Sharpay POV**_

"Where's Ryan Evans?"

"I don't know miss, he must of urm... gone home. He said he wasn't feeling well."

"Right, well ok then, I understand it's been a difficult time for him lately." She smiled the typical "Poor child" smile and carried on with her lesson.

God where is Ryan? I hope he's ok! God, please let him be ok!

Actually come to think of it, where's Troy? Ryan's got to be with Troy.  
Well at least he's safe.

"Sharpay?"

"Yes miss?"

"You do realise we are going to have to phone home to make sure Ryan made it there in one piece, wouldn't want to get in trouble with the head." She smiled and I smiled back.

Oh god, oh god, oh god. What am I going to do, Ryan is going to get so badly beaten if he ever found out about him missing school. Oh Shit what can I do? Hopefully he wont be home, but I'll just have to wait and see.

_**Ryan POV**_

"What happened Ry?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" I say coldly, not making eye contact with the boy sitting next to me under a huge oak tree in the park.

"It's good to talk" he coaxes, and I crack a smile.

"Your such a lame ass Troy."

"Jesus Ryan just tell me what happened I want to help you. And i can't do that if you wont let me in."

"Fine!" I shout exasperatedly

"I was just walking along the corridor when he grabbed me and pushed me up against the lockers and then he started to punch me in the stomach and I couldn't do anything because his grip was to tight. And then when I fell to the floor he picked me up again and started to..."

I stopped to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat and I choked back a strangled cry. And I felt a hand on my shoulder. And I turned to look at Troy in the eyes and continued with my story.

"He... he started to...um.. touch me and he kept whispering in my ear, telling me to say that I liked it and to cry his name and once I did that I could go but, I couldn't do it Troy, I wouldn't do it and he... he kept on tightening his grip on my crotch and he kept hitting me and hitting me and..."

I could no longer hold back the tears and they fell down my cheeks in torrents and Troy leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm so stupid! I'm so weak!" I sobbed into his shoulder.

Troy pulled back to look at me in the eyes and I don't know what possessed him but he started to stroke my cheek brushing away the tears that were still falling.

"Don't you ever say that Ryan Evans! You are the most remarkable person I have ever met, your strong, your passionate, your, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen." I blushed and turned away from him.

" Don't lie Troy! It's not a flattering quality."

"I'm not fucking lying Ryan. You are beautiful, and I can't explain what I'm feeling but you mean a lot to me and getting to know you Ryan has really helped me live. I don't need material objects to be happy all I need is passion, strength, love!" He grabs my chin gently and turns my head once again to face his.

I laugh at this "Love? What do you know about Lo-" But my words are cut short when his lips are pressed against mine but I pull away.

"Troy, I can't do this! It has to be some kind of joke. Troy Bolton is  
not gay! He can't like someone like Ryan Evans. It has to be a dream, a sick dream where everything is the other way round. I can't do it Troy I'm sorry, I'm so confused. I've been hurt to many times. You are my dreams Troy Bolton but I think you should stay there, I don't want to ruin what we had."

Troy just stands staring at me and he leans in and once again capturing my lips with his but it's all happening so fast. I don't understand what 'it' is but it's happening. And I'm running, running away from a dream I had, a dream that Troy and I could be happy, together.

My sister, I need to find my sister.

_**Sharpay POV**_

I find Ryan at my locker when I emerge from class, breathless and with tear stained face. I walk towards him with a questioning look and when I reach him he flings himself at me with such force I almost fall over. He clings to me tightly crying into my shoulder.

"Ry? Tell me what happened."

The only thing I could determine through the sobs was the word "Troy" and so I carried on trying to get the whole story to why my brother is embracing me so tightly.

" What has Troy done Ryan?"

"He...he kissed me" he whispers and I find myself smiling.

"I wouldn't expect anything else, I've seen the way you look at him Ry and the way he looks at you is no different. I know it's scary Ryan but Troy's a good guy. He broke up with Gabriella just to help you, you know. He likes you for you Ryan. He's the first person to get to know the real you and the first person that you let get remotely close to you and then you run straight back to me. Come on Ry, don't push these feelings aside, you know they will never go away completely."

He pulls back from the embrace and looks at me questioningly

"I want you to be happy Ryan, you are entitled to some happiness."

He hugs me again and he whispers in my ear

"I love you to sis, thank you"

I Love you to, Ry. Now go find Troy, I'll meet you back at the house" I say smiling

Ryan Evans certainly has a Guardian Angel and his name is Troy Bolton.

* * *

**2nd A/N: Look how happy it is!!!!! but that doesn't last long at all i think we have 2 more chapters of angst but dnt u guys worry the last couple are the happy happy happy ones!!! I was also thinking of a sequal but I have to get ideas for that :-P so if at the end of the story u have ne ideas don't hesitate to PM me!!! **

**xoxoxox**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N I know I said I wouldn't update for a while, well I was on a brake from revision and I was board and had nothing better to do, so I though I'd write the rest of the chapter just for you guys. So here you have chapter 10, I had big issues with this chapter, it gave me hell, so sorry if it's no good!!!! But thank you everyone sending me luck in my exams I think I'm gonna need it lol!! **

**WARNING: Attempted rape – after this chapter I'm just about ready for some happiness!!**

* * *

My Guardian Angel 

Chapter 10 

**_Ryan POV _**

I ran, I ran back towards the park, back towards the oak tree, back  
towards Troy. I had already been gone twenty minutes but hopefully Troy  
was still somewhere near by, because as I drew closer to the tree I saw  
that the space beneath it was deserted.

I could only think of two options on what to do next. But everyone has  
to start somewhere, so I started to search the park, I didn't really  
want to resort to option two, because to knock on Troy's door and he not  
be there may lead to an unneeded questioning session from Coach Bolton,  
who to be honest, scared the shit out of me!! So I sincerely hoped Troy  
was still within the confines of the park.

And for once I was in luck, I found him sitting by the side of the lake  
just staring at the ducks as they bobbed their heads under the water to  
find food. I sat beside him prayed that he wouldn't tell me to piss off.  
And once again my luck held out because he didn't, but he didn't look at  
me either. So I sat there for awhile not saying anything just staring  
over the lake, until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Look, I'm sorry Troy. It scared me, that's all, but I came back and I'm  
sorry."

Still he didn't look at me just said "It's ok Ry, I understand."

"Are you mad at me Troy? Do you want me to go?"

"No Ry, just sit with me a while." And at that I took his hand in mine  
and we sat in silence holding each others hand letting the peacefulness  
of dust drift over us. The view that we saw in front of us was  
beautiful, the trees hung over the lake and cast misshaped shadows  
across the surface of the water and I couldn't imagine anything more  
perfect.

"Thank you for understanding." I said after fifteen minutes of silence,  
and he finally looked at me and smiled.

"I knew you'd come back." Was all he said and my lips brushed across his  
and I leaned towards him and him towards me and he licked my lips asking for  
entry. I was only to happy to oblige, and as our tongues danced together  
I couldn't help but feel blissfully happy.

_**Sharpay POV**_

Ryan where are you?

Ryan I need you!

The front door opens and shuts with a slam. And I'm standing at the top  
of the stairs paralyzed with fear. I can hear foot steps on the stairs  
and I look down to see his eyes looking back. And I can't move, I can't  
make a sound. I'm so scared

Ryan where are you?

Ryan I need you!

He starts towards me and I back slowly away and the words that leave his  
lips turn my blood cold.

"There's no one to save you now, my little princess."

And he's trying to touch me, trying to kiss me and I'm pushing his hands  
away from me, silent tears tumbling down my cheeks and I'm pleading with  
him.

"Please don't do this!"

But all that comes out is a muffled sob.

And I can feel him press himself against me and run his hands up my  
thigh and lifting my skirt and I close my eyes and pray.

Ryan where are you?

Ryan I need you!

_**Ryan POV**_

"Get off her!!!" I scream as I head up the stairs two at a time.

"Get off her you sick fuck! She's your daughter, look what you're trying  
to do! GET OFF HER! GET OFF HER!!" And I don't care that I'm yelling and  
that the tears are streaming down my face, I just want him to get off my  
sister. But he just smiles and tries to pull her skirt further up her  
thigh, and I can see her eyes are pleading with me.

"Help me Ry!"

And I can't take it anymore! As he tries to kiss her, I grab his  
shoulders and drag him off her. She collapses to the ground, sliding  
down the wall, in tears and I'm torn between consoling my sister or  
trying to beat the crap out of the man who has made my life a misery for  
the last 3 years, but my anger is to much to keep at an appropriate  
level and three years of pent up hate bubbles to the surface and I'm  
hitting the drunk man and I'm kicking him and I'm screaming at him.

"You're sick! You're sick!"

And I'm crying, and I'm drained, and I can't do this anymore. So I leave  
him. He's lying on the floor with his eyes closed but he's breathing  
heavily, at least I know I'm not a murderer.

I walk over to Sharpay who is huddled on the floor by the stairs and I  
reach out towards her but she shrinks away.

"I'm sorry, you shouldn't have seen that Shar."

She doesn't say any thing she just whimpers.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect you, I'm sorry you had to go through  
that, I'm sorry-"

But I'm interrupted by her shrill scream and she's looking upwards and I  
know that I'm done for, and I realize Sharpay is screaming words. "Run  
away Ryan, Run!!"

But it's too late because I'm dragged to my feet and my father takes  
hold of my collar and whispers "Don't you ever think of doing that again  
boy, or I'll make sure you don't ever get in my way again." He slaps me  
across the face and pushes me away, but I didn't realize how close to  
the edge of the stairs I was because I'm falling backwards.

Falling.

Falling.

Falling.

And as I hit the bottom of the stairs with a thud, I try desperately to  
fight the darkness, but I'm just too tired and I can't keep my eye lids  
open, they just seem so heavy.

Black.

_**Sharpay POV**_

I can hear screaming, and it's me. I'm screaming because me brother is  
lying at the bottom of the stairs his body battered and broken and he's  
not moving.

I don't know what to do. What do I do?

I run over to him to check for a pulse, he's got one but it's weak. I  
can see my father standing at the top of the stairs, the shock of what  
he's done is plastered across his face and I think that I see a glint of  
remorse in his eyes and as I look at him one last time, for a moment he  
reminds me of the father I knew when I was 6 and I hurt my knee falling  
off my bike. He always looked so sad when we hurt ourselves, like we  
hurt him the same way.

But I look away and grab for the phone, but he's there before  
me and he grabs my hand away and I look into his eyes and  
try to plead to the good man I once loved.

"Please don't do this. He needs help. You don't want to be a murderer do you?"

And I knew I'd struck a cord because he lets go of  
my hand and I dial that number. That precious number that will help  
save my brothers life.

_**Troy POV**_

I'm running as fast as I can. I'm running like my life depends on it.  
I'm running because I have to. The way Sharpay's voice sounded on the  
phone was so urgent so desperate. I had no other choice but to run.

I arrive at the hospital, and ask at the desk for Ryan Evans and with  
out hesitation add, "I'm his boyfriend." they give me his room number after that.

And when I turn around I see Sharpay hugging her arms to herself and  
silent tears running down her cheeks and as I walk to her the only thing  
she can do is wrap her arms around me and I console her as she cries.

This is not the first time I've sat next to him while he's been in  
hospital but it is the first time that I've realized how much he means to me.

"Ryan? Baby? Can you hear me? Please wake up. I need you, Sharpay needs  
you. Please Ryan!"

I knew he wouldn't wake up just because I was pleading with him. But I  
had so much to tell him, so much I needed to tell him. I've never said  
these words to anyone, not even Gabi and we went out for just over a  
year, and when I say them I mean them.

I love him.

"I love you!" 

**I know this chappy really doesn't end on a very happy note, with Ryan in a coma and all, so I thought my A/N should. So: **

_**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone!! **_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N short chapter of flashbacks while Ryan is unconscious – give u guys an incite into the Evans history... hope u like :-)**

**Flashbacks are in italics and Ryan's little comments are in normal writing just so everyone understands. Thanks to everyone who reviewed it always makes me uber happy!!!**

* * *

My Guardian Angel 

Chapter 11

I guess I must have been having one of those out of body experiences because here I was, standing watching my four-year-old self make daisy chains with Sharpay. It's like I'm being shown around my life just like in "A Christmas Carol" but I don't have any spirits showing me around, well I guess I know my way round my own life pretty well.

* * *

_I was four, and Shar and I were making Daisy chains in our back garden while our parents sat and watched us. I loved that garden. It was huge, it had a swing hanging from a gigantic birch tree at one end and a sand pit at the other. That's probably the only thing I remember about that house other than that it was enormous._

_I don't know why I chose this memory, it was probably one of the only good ones I could remember before Mom left. I watched myself struggle to thread my daisies and Sharpay leaning over to help me, but I told her to go away and that I could do it myself, and of course she started to cry and ran to my mother who was sitting on my dad's lap while he swung her gently on the swing._

_She laughed and got up and gave Sharpay a hug telling her to send me over to her. As I watched I couldn't help but laugh as little Sharpay stuck her tongue out at me as I made my way up the garden to receive my punishment._

"_Go and say sorry to your sister, she said you shouted at her."_

"_I wanted to make my own daisy chain but she wanted to help me."_

"_But Ry," my mother knelt down so she was more the height of a four year old and said "My little boy, that's a nice thing for her so do, she just wanted to help and then you shouted at her. That's not very nice is it?"_

_When I was little I always looked down at the floor when I was ashamed, and this time was no exception._

"_I'm sorry Mommy."_

"_You don't have to apologize to me, apologize to your sister."_

_Little me walked over to little Shar and I gave her a tight squeeze and quickly sat down again, clearly embarrassed._

_My attention then turned back to my parents who sat on the swing together my dad's arms tightly wrapped around his wife's waist. And he looked at her with such adoration and love that it made me sad to see what kind of a man he had become. I missed the man I watched kiss his wife's cheek. I missed the man who got up and walked over to Shar and I and picked both of us up at the same time and tucked us under each arm kicking out and laughing and shouting for him to "put us down!"_

_I missed having a proper Dad._

And I'm not in my back garden anymore, I'm, in my house and I'm seven years old.

_I watched 7 year old me crouch at the bottom of the stairs holding tightly to the banister, watching my parents have a blazing row._

"_You're never here! I have to watch the kids all the time, they need their mother sometimes!"_

"_I work hard for this family, that's what I'm doing when I'm not here. I'm trying to get enough money to keep this family going."_

"_I'm trying to work to! Do you know hard it is trying to write a new paper column when you have two seven year olds running around pretending to be fairies?"_

_No wonder I turned out gay, making daisy chains? Playing fairies? I think Sharpay was on a mission, if she couldn't have a sister she would make her brother as girly as possible._

"_No you don't, because you're never here!"_

_My mother brought her hand to her head and in an exasperated tone said_

"_I can't do this! I can't do this anymore Phil!"_

"_What do you mean?" My dad's tone had changed from angry to that of confusion._

"_I can't keep lying to myself; I can't keep lying to you."_

"_What are you saying?_

"_I'm saying I want out! Out of this house out of this marriage, just out."_

_At this point I saw my little self stand up slowly and walk up to my room, I knew in my heart that when I reached it I cried and cried and cried._

_I carried on watching my parents, and I saw the look on my fathers face as his heart broke._

"_You can't do this Judy, you just can't do this! What about the kids? they'll be devastated."_

"_You'll say the right thing."_

"_You mean you're not going to tell them?"_

_My mother looked up the stairs and then back at my father, she took a step toward the stairs and made her way up to our rooms, where I lay pretending to sleep and waited for her to say her final goodbyes to me. She told me that I'd always be "her little boy" and that I was beautiful and not to let anyone tell me different. I remembered that day like it was yesterday. When she finally made her way back to my father he was hunched over like a broken man._

"_Please don't do this, I need you. I love you." He pleaded._

_My mother looked back at him and the only thing she said to him before she walked out that door was,_

"_But I don't love you!"_

_We never saw her again but she sent round her new boyfriend to collect her stuff the next day. I didn't know at the time that it was her boyfriend but I'll always remember the look on Dad's face when he turned up at the door._

* * *

Now, I'm 10 years old watching my father as he's stooped over a table covered in bills and empty bottles_  
_

It had never been the same since Mom left. Dad hadn't got out of bed for days afterwards and we had to fend for our selves, he didn't speak anymore, he wasn't fun anymore, he wasn't our dad anymore. It had been about a month after Mom left, that he started to drink, not a lot at that time but as time when on his drinking got considerably worse and this year, oh I remember this year.

How could I forget the worst year of my life, this was when everything changed, when my father started to drink heavily. When the bailiff's came knocking, when dad lost his job when I broke my wrist, when he tried to touch Sharpay.

* * *

_I watched as I tried to nudge my Dad awake, Shar and I where hungry, I remember that, and I bet when I go and open the fridge there will be nothing there except some cheese that is so moldy that it can't be classed as cheese. And I was right, my 10 year old self walked to the fridge took one look at the cheese and just walked away._

_It was at that moment the phone rang, I felt my heart constrict slightly, why did I have to go back and see this day?_

_I picked up the phone and the voice at the other end asked for a Mr. Evans so _

_I passed the phone to me dad and he answered with a "Hmmm..."_

_And I could hear the man on the other end saying "I'm sorry Mr. Evans, you haven't written anything for us for little over a year and a half and I'm afraid to say we are going to have to let you go."_

_I remember at the time I didn't quite understand what was meant by "let you go" but when my dad started to shout I knew exactly what they meant._

"_Well I don't want your fucking job!" He slurred down the phone "You can just shove it up your ass, Mr. Newspaper man!" and he slammed the phone down._

_There was then a knock at the door and I immediately knew who it was, I wanted to grab the little Sharpay who walked forward to open the door and tell her to just ignore it, but with a shout form our father, she walked forward and let the men who were going to change our lives forever, she let them walk right in._

_I saw myself huddled in a corner cuddling Sharpay as the men took away our paintings and our TV and our stereo and I mimicked little Ryan's movements as he tried to block out the sound of my Dad screaming._

"_I'll pay you, I'll pay you, just don't kick me out of the house, I have two young children, don't let them end up on the street tonight!"_

_I sat with my hands over my ears willing this dream to end, willing myself to move on to the next one but it never came, I watched as my father was dragged from the house and the bailiffs locking the door behind him. I watched as Sharpay tugged on my fathers jumper and asked why those men took our house. I watched as they left with all our stuff in the back of a van, I watched as my dad walked us to the motel that would be our home for a year._

* * *

We stayed in that motel for a year, free of charge as my Dad got a job as a janitor, he finally had enough money to buy the house we live in now, he worked there for another year until he got caught drinking on the job and sleeping with the owner's wife.

* * *

I don't know why I came here, it only happened last year, but anything is better than memories of that motel. Well I can see myself, 16 years old, walking down the corridors of East High, Sharpay slightly ahead of me. This year would be a year of self discovery.

* * *

_As we walked down the corridor, I saw myself turn and look at the basketball team, well one player in particular. And I remember, oh to well, what I thought about Troy, something that really shouldn't be repeated because I harmed myself later for even contemplating it._

_And it was that moment that I realized that I was attracted to men. Not woman. Men. And I realized that know one could know because I knew that no one would accept me for who I was. I remember, later as I tried to cut thoughts of Troy_ _out of my mind that I could only trust one person and that person was Sharpay, she would protect me, but protecting me from myself was a different matter. She kept telling me to let my guard down come out to people, "they wont care!" she kept telling me but I decided I couldn't have people calling me gay. So I watched myself approach a girl form my year, she was okay looking, blonde hair, blue eyes, nice smile. And I asked her out, and she didn't refuse me and I was, for a second, happy. But then I realized that I was trying to deny my identity, and the look on my face said it all except she was already off telling her friends that she had a date so she didn't bother looking back._

* * *

I went out with Georgie for about two months. She messed me around a lot, I remember that, she would always call at the wrong time and accuse me of cheating on her because I didn't pick up my phone when in reality I was in the shower. She was a total nut case, she always got mad at me for random reasons, and she controlled my life for those few months. I always felt weird when it came to kissing her as well, it never felt right, and the only way I could get the reaction I knew she wanted going was to imagine Troy. Imagine it was Troy kissing my neck, moaning into my kiss. My imagination played a big part of that relationship. She mucked up my head and then left me with the rumors going around the school that Ryan Evans was a queer.

But nothing could have prepared me for the shock I got when Troy kissed me, it felt right, and it felt good, and I didn't feel like I'd let anyone down, or ruined anyone's life. And I realized that I couldn't have got through any of those things with out my sister by my side. She was my constant rock, she was what held me together and I was what held her together.

"It's time to wake up now Ry."

"He's gone Ry, Dad's gone. It's time to wake up, it's time to go home."

She's right it was time to go home.

* * *

**A/N just in case its not quite clear Ryan is like watching from a corner or something and he can see everything like it's happing. I was finding it hard to describe the difference between little Ryan and Big Ryan so I just thought I'd make that clear before I got someone saying "I was a bit confused" **

**Sorry if u were, I tried my best. **

**Alice xoxoxo**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N Hey guys only one chapter to go after this and I've actually written it so you won't have to wait to long for the next update. I also have to apologize for me being an idiot and deleting my A/N from the story coz that meant people who reviewed b4 couldn't review again. But you could always leave an anon review or just tell me what u thought of the last chapter in the review for this chapter. **

**Hope everyone had a great holiday and if you are going back to school to exams like I am good luck:)**

My Guardian Angel

Chapter 12

_**Sharpay POV**_

Troy and I sat in Ryan's hospital room, talking quietly to him. I was talking about better times before Mom left, and other little memories I could remember from our childhood.

Troy told him that he loved him, and I said told him that he shouldn't tell Ryan private things that a sister isn't meant to find out until afterwards. He laughed and said that Ryan would tell me anyway and this way I got to find out the gossip earlier. And I can feel myself smiling, I haven't smiled in two weeks, not since Ryan fell and our Dad disappeared. And then the nurse comes in with news that could make me smile for eternity.

"Your Dad was caught this morning, he's being held by the police until they get him a court date."

I turn to my brother "He's gone Ry, he's gone. It's time to wake up; it's time to go home."

And I look up at Troy and smile and suddenly Ryan's fingers close around mine and I think my jaw is going to brake, my grin is so wide.

**_Troy POV_**

He's awake! He's awake! Oh God he's awake! What do I do? I just declared my love to someone I don't even know if they heard it. What do I say?

_**Ryan POV**_

I close my fingers around Sharpay's and slowly open my eyes, adjusting them to the blinding white light that greets them. And then I try to speak but all I hear is the sound of coughing, retching and spluttering and then I see doctors and nurses rushing to my aid as they remove a tube from my throat, and I can breath without help, that's got to be good.

"Ryan, do you know where you are?"

"Hospital." Is the very croaky reply and Sharpay is at my side with a glass of water and helping me drink.

"Ryan, I'm just going to shine this light in your eyes, I just need to make sure everything is okay."

While the doctors continue to prod and poke me to 'check that everything is okay' Sharpay stood in the corner of the room to give the doctor some space, with a stupid grin on her face, holding Troy's hand.

_**Sharpay POV**_

I finish giving Ryan the water and step back into the corner to give the doctor some space to check Ryan over. I grab Troy's hand and hold it tight with a grin so wide my jaw is aching, but I can't seem to shift it.

"You steal my boyfriend while I was asleep?" Were the words I hear from my brother's lips.

And I practically run towards him and I grip hold of him so tightly I'm not sure how well he can breathe, I don't want to let him go ever again. And I can tell that Ryan's eyes are brimming with tears as I say,

"3rd time you've done this to me Ry. You scared me half to death. I don't know what I'd do without you, I really, really don't."

"I told you I'd never leave you, I promised didn't I?"

And now I'm the one in tears and through my sobs I whisper "I love you so much, and don't you forget it."

"I know. I love you too sis."

And I can feel my shoulder is getting damp with tears, as is his, and we just sit there holding each other, crying into each others arms.

_**Troy POV**_

Okay, so, feeling a bit awkward here. I feel like I'm interrupting a family moment. I just stand here swapping from right to left foot and wait until they have finished their heart to heart, I might even go and get some coffee. But before I can head to the door, Sharpay stands up and wipes the tears from her eyes.

And Ryan looks at me and says, "Hey" And then smiles and in that second I know how much I love him and how much it would hurt to lose him. I practically launch myself at him and I can't help let the tears fall as he cradles me in his arms and we stay in this embrace for what seems like an eternity until I whisper "I love you" in his ear. He doesn't say anything back and I'm scared. I've just ruined our relationship and I am about to run out of the door until I hear a soft "love you too." I sit up then and look him in the eyes and then I lean down and brush my lips against his in what is barely a kiss.

_**Ryan POV**_

Those three tiny words. They mean so much yet can mean so little but I know

Troy means them. I know by the way he looks at me when I say them back; I know by the way he brushes his lips against mine in a soft, delicate but tender kiss. And I know that I love him and I know that he loves me and that's all that matters now. Me and him.

* * *

**  
**

I was sat up in bed on the second day of my awakening. Troy was perched on the bed holding my hand and Sharpay was sat in a chair on the other side, when a doctor I had never seen before came in with a woman.

"Hello Ryan, I'm Doctor Gray, and this is Mrs. Gregory from social services.

How are you feeling today?"

"A bit better I guess." I say quietly looking at my hand interlocked with Troy's, I've never been good when dealing with social workers, they always seem to see right through my lies, but I don't have to lie now.

The doctor looks at me and smiled and grabbing my charts reads.

"Well your broken ribs are healing well and all swelling will go down and the bruises will fade eventually. But I would say keep away from any contact sport, or exercise that could put strain on your stitches, we wouldn't want them opening up would we?"

I shake my head and he continues, "The social services have been informed as you can see and Mrs. Gregory will have to assess you and your sister so that they can find the best possible foster home for you for the next year. So I'm going to leave you guys to get acquainted."

At that, Doctor Gray left leaving Troy, my sister and I with the social worker.

"Right, Ryan and Sharpay, Oh whose this?"

"I'm Troy, Ryan's... friend"

"Oh I see, urm, could you give us a couple of minutes please?"

And Troy gets up to leave but I grab his hand and tell him he has to stay and what ever she has to say I'd tell him anyway so she may as well say it with him there.

"Okay, well since that's sorted, do either of you know where your mother is?"

Both Sharpay and I shake our heads and she notes something down on her clip board.

"And can I ask you Ryan how long you've been trying to harm yourself?"

I have to say that was a shock to the system, and I'm sitting in my bed, my mouth gapping open and Sharpay and Troy staring at me for the answer.

"3 years." I mutter and I hear Sharpay gasp.

"And according to your hospital records you were in a couple of weeks ago for a suspected overdose, did you try and kill yourself? And do you think you will try and do it again?"

"Why do you have to ask all these questions?" I asked starting to choke up, and I know the tears where brimming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry if this is upsetting, but I just have to access you, your sister and your mental state of mind."

"Yes and no." I said quietly and Sharpay looked at me with a sympathetic smile and nodded.

Time past with Mrs. Gregory asking similar questions about my depression and our family and we tried to answer best we could, and once and a while she would write things on her clip board.

"It is my duty as your social worker to ask you if you would like me to put you in touch with a councilor, who will work with you through this time and help you. Would you like me to book you an appointment?"

I nodded, I didn't want to go and see some jumped up, over educated prick who thought he could get into my inner most thoughts and make everything go away just by talking. But one look from Sharpay told me to swallow my pride and give counseling a try**  
**

* * *

Now I'm sitting in a chair, opposite a woman I don't know and I'm expected to just want to talk to her. To be honest I don't know where I would start.

"Ryan? Tell me about your father."

"What do you want to know about him?"

"What do you feel about him?"

"I hate that man with all my being, he's a monster and I hate him."

"Okay well that's a good start. Urm... would you tell me the first time that you realized that you hated him?"

And the session continued like this, she would prompt me with questions sometimes but other times she would just sit and listen to me talk. There were times during my hour long session where I would reach a part in my story that I remembered so vividly I would start to cry and she would have to come a kneel beside me and speak soothing words to me until I had calmed down. It wasn't until now that I realized that I was pretty messed up emotionally**  
**

* * *

I meet Troy at about 6 o'clock, after my session, I really need to speak to him.

"Hey." I said as he approached me, we were seated under the oak tree again, it seems to be quite a historic place for Troy and I.

"Hey Ry, what's up?" He says sitting down and kissing my cheek.

"Troy, I'm not ready for a relationship." I say quickly, and the look on his face almost brakes my heart.

"It's not like I don't love you because I do, with all my heart. But I have so much crap to work through at the moment and I don't want to bring you down with me because... well because I love you. But you'll still be my friend wont you? 'Cause I wouldn't want to lose you friendship, and I wouldn't want to lose your love, because I'll never stop loving you Troy."

"Stop Ryan, breathe." He laughs "I understand what your going through at the moment and I will always be here for you and I'll always be your friend and I'll always wait because I will never stop loving you either, because you are an amazing person Ryan Evans, and like no one I have ever met before."

And I hug him tightly and he kisses the top of my head and puts his arms around me and we just sit together under the oak tree and watch the sun go down.


	13. Epilogue

_We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness. _

_-David Weatherford -_

Epilogue

Chapter 14 

_**Ryan POV**_

It's been over six months since I was discharged from the hospital. I couldn't go back to that house, even if I wanted to, it was a crime scene. It was closed off by the police for a month while they collected their evidence. I couldn't even bring myself to give evidence against my father, well at least not in court. I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to stand up and tell people my pitiful story, while he sat across from me watching me, always watching me, but after much persuasion from Sharpay I finally agreed to give evidence via video link. And now he's gone, put away for 7 years, and I'm free.

The Social services did try to track down our mother so we could stay with her for awhile but it seems her name has been erased from the state records. So Sharpay and I are now property of the state for a year until we are considered adults, and old enough to make "rational" decisions about our future, we are being placed in foster care. Troy did invite us to stay at his but he has given me so much I couldn't possibly expect him to give up his house for me as well.

After being discharged I carried on with counseling. It's helped me work through things at my own pace. I still have good days and bad days, the bad days really hit me hard. Sometimes I can't get out of bed because my mind won't leave me alone. It carries on taunting me and it's always his voice I hear. Even when he's not here he can still get to me. But he's behind bars now. And my sister and I are far away from him, in a house with a nice family who try and give us the love we need. It seems strange to live in a "normal" house with a "normal" family, when you have had such a dysfunctional home life as I had. I still cut, but I have been working towards cutting down, no pun intended.

I've been working through the problems that plague me slowly but surly and I've had two constant friends by my side, both waiting patiently for my recovery. My sister and Troy. And words fail me at how much they have helped me and I love both of them so much, in very different ways.

Sharpay is happier. She's finally been noticed, and she's finally liked and finally loved. She's going out with Zeke now, and he dotes on her hand and foot. He treats her like she deserves to be treated, with respect and dignity and like the beautiful woman that she is.

And, well, I think I owe Troy something that is well over due. So I am driving to his house and I'm nervous, very, very nervous. And I get out of the car and I knock on his door and when he opens it, my vocal cords decide to cease up, so I'm standing open mouthed on his porch, with him looking at me with confusion.

"Ryan? Has something happened? Ry? Are you ok?"

And I can't seem to get the words out so I lean in and kiss him, actions always did speak louder than words.

"Wah?"

"I'm ready now. Thanks for waiting."

And he smiles and grabs the top of my T-shirt and pulls me towards him and our lips meet with such passion that I momentarily stop breathing. And I can feel his tongue running its way across my lips and I open my mouth to let him explore. And our tongues are dancing together and our eyes are closed and I've never felt such bliss before.

Experiencing pain just leaves room to experience joy.

THE END

**A/N Awwww... Didn't I say it would end happily and you can't get any happier than that – wow I'm happy!!!!! But now I'm sad coz it's over.. :-( oh well I'll be back with the sequal soon enough I hope if those creative juices are flowing, fingers crossed!!!  
**


	14. Thank you note to all

I kind of nicked this idea off of Tryan4Eva so thanks Charlotte :- ) I thought it needed a chapter 14 'cause 13 is an unlucky number and being the superstitious freak I am I don't want the fates to be against me lol.

Okay so 108 reviews WOW!!!!!! I never thought in a million years that it would ever get that many reviews, and I know it sounds cheesy but it does mean a lot to me because some of the content of the story was a bit close to home.

So individual thank yous have to go to the people who managed to review nearly every chapter because you guys where the people who made up the numbers and an extra special thank you has to go to Mondler4ever for being my beta reader and always telling me what she thought of the story. Thanks April!

Tryan4Eva – You've really got me to update my fic quicker caususotherwise I would have people waiting months lol. Thanks!!

Mondler4EvEr – You have been such a huge help with everything and of course I promise that you'll always be my beta!!

Pollypocket911

Tryanistique-xx

hopewithinmymind

ArabellaKye

coolkitten12

theyoungandthehopeless

And to everyone else who reviewed and even read the stroy it's always a pleasure to be told that your story is good so THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

Alice

xoxoxo


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